is it just me or does armpits tend to smell like sweat when you've shaved them? *ew* and *icky*

well... yesterday i relaxed and did nothing except writing letters. i wrote 4 letters and after i'd finished the last one i felt like... writing another. LOL. but i had no letters to reply to so... i didn't write anymore.

today i've sent the letters and i've read in the "Vikin age England" book. Oh how i just loooooove that book!!! i am excited about what is written in the book and i'm excited about all the references to other books. i'm just totally excited about the book :D
i had this very very sexual dream about Lars... we were like bunnies until he got some blue icing on his hand and accidently got some of it onto my face. when that happened he just refused fucking anymore. LOL. i wonder what that means. i don't really want to look it up... guess i'm scared that it means something creepy. LOOOL

last night i thought that for fun i'd go and have some free tarot readings online. it was fun. i think that i am now more aware of the circumstances about the whole "secret crush"-thing. :D i don't really believe in the online readings. but i think that they still opened my eyes a bit.

am dl'ing and listening to lots of music again. seems like all the bands i got yesterday (except two i think) were just crap. hardcore, weird punk, men growling really really bad, bands that sounded almost confused together. i hope that what i get today is better.

yesterday michael told me that he has gotten some problems with the student loan and there are other problems as well. so i told him that if he wanted to he could come and stay here fo a few days. then he won't have to think so much about buying food and so on and he should be able to feel a bit more relaxed being away from the problems his home probably keeps reminding him that he has. i am really hoping he'll open more up towards me and i hope that we'll have some great and long talks. :)

this week i'll relax. and perhaps tidy up things a bit. i am planning to go to the gym tomorrow and stop the month card i have there and get a 10-times card instead.

birger is so much more brave these days. he is poking my finger at least one time each day now. it's SO cute (which i'm sure only i think... he's my tiny baby and he's cute in everything he does LOL).

the re-exam will be in the last week of August.

wow... they just discovered this huge sacrificial grave (is that the correct word?) from about 50 a.d. with ca. 200 warriors. they think that the warriors lost a battle and was then sacrificed in this moor-area. how EXCITING!!!!! *yayness* for archaeology in Denmark *woohoo!!!*

I failed the oral exam so i'll have the re-exam in August. it's ok. i knew i was totally messing up and i am very aware of what i did wrong and i'll work on that :) so no problems.
I was really really really worried if i'd fail the paper that i wrote about Protestantic Ethics and the Spirit of Capitalism. i was actually pretty sure that i'd failed it cos i did so many small mistakes and i only read like... 1/3 of the pensum. but... i got a 4!!! that's a D i think. i was hoping that i'd just get right over the failed-line and get a "small" 02 but no.. i got a 4!!! so i won't have to re-do the paper from hell *yay*

the party i had yesterday was so great! Marie Louise went home at 22 pm but that was ok cos Lars and Michael and I stayed up till 3 am and talked and had beer and just hung out. :D it was really nice. Marie Louise got me this cute plant (she didn't know what to give me and she refused to not give me anything.. LOL), Lars got me a gift voucher for Matas (i don't know if it excists anywhere else but it's a place where you can get lotions, perfume, teas... all kinds of wellness things and stuff like that) and Michael got me a bottle of vodka :D it was pretty nice! i don't want to drink the vodka until i'm done with my weightloss so... i'll let it be a motivation-thing. :D

tomorrow i'll go to the dentist and after that i'm going to my mom's and i'll be there until monday. it'll be nice :) but because of this i'll not do my weekly weigh in this week: i've not been so good to my diet and if i weigh myself at my mom's her scale will show something else than mine, i'm sure. so... i'll wait till next week with that. :)

oh.. did i mention that i'm going to do some reviews on books about spiritual/alternative things and tarot cards? I'm gonna do it for this magazine for clubmembers of a book club. it'll only be max. 8 sentenses for each review... but it'll be published next to my picture and everything :) I'm pretty excited about that!!!

so.. that's the recent news from me :)

ok... i WANT some Sheepworld stationery. i love love love love sheepworld! but it's like... impossible to find sheepworld notepads in Denmark. i found this site where some private person is selling sheets from Sheepworld notepads. HAD to write him/her to ask if he/she sells whole notepads as well. i HOPE HOPE HOPE that i will get to Flensburg this summer and that i'll find some sheepworld pads there. i felt SO lucky in Hungary when i found Sheepworld notepads. well.. there was only one kind but i bought two of them!

i can't think that i'll ever get tired of Sheepworld. and i HATE that they are so uncommon in Denmark.

gotta go to bed now. have an exam tomorrow, you know.

oh.. gotta say something before i go: i think that this guy at blackmarket.dk is flirting with me!?!?!? *yay* i think. i am not sure, though. he seems a bit... well i don't know: he's a Satanist and has moved from the center of Zealand (which is the area that my ex who did necromantic stuff lived...) to Sønderborg (my mom used to live there and she has told me that i should seriously NEVER get romantically involved with ANYBODY from Sønderborg. people from Sønderborg are mental cases, aparently. well... in that case i have insane family (my grand dad and his family lives there LOL)so i guess my email fits: lene_is_insane).
I know it's wrong to judge people because of their religious beliefs... but i can't really take Satanism serious... it's created by Christians in the Middle Ages and has been shaped since then by mentally ultra-unstable men. LOL. i mean.. i like some of the "mind sets" in the "religion"... but... most of it is just fake, if you ask me.

reminds me of a song by Aeon called Satanic Victory where they sing about masturbating on ppl's graves. *giggling* so... masturbating on graves is a Satanic deed? GREATNESS! i read that John Lennon wasn't shy of fucking his gfs on gravestones when he was young.. so... he's a Satanist too? AWESOME *YAY!!!*

*sigh* i think i need a bf... and just to let you know.. i haven't had sex for almost 4 months. i am re-virginizing!!! *argh!!!* *panic*

and weight wise i'm doing GREAT! i am now weighing 86.1 kg. Haven't weighed to little since... 3 or 4 years ago!!! so *WOOHOO-ness* on me :D

does it show that i'm beyond the point of being tired? well.... NOW i will go to bed.

*good night*

after having the worst day ever yesterday.... i had a GREAT day today!

i felt like weighing myself this morning... just for fun.... and i was really really surprised! i weighed 86.8kg (which is the lowest i've weighed since i started on my diet, so YAY ME!!!!)!!! now i just have to stay ON TRACK!!! i have been without chips and popcorn for about two weeks now and i think that this is why i am finally losing weight again. so i got to keep on not eating these things. i can't wait to get below 80kg and swear to myself never to get over 80kg again. :D i did it when i got under 90kg and i think it worked out pretty well. as far as i remember i never got over 90kg again :) so i will do the same when i get under 80.

as if that wasn't enough... i went to my first oral exam and i got a 7 (which is a C in the international (european?) scale). i honestly don't think that i ever got so good a grade while being at the uni. so... YAY for that too!!!!
The subject was European history from 1650 and till now. the question i got was to explain the causes for the 2nd world war. i am SO happy that i didn't get some question about agriculture or finansial stuff. cos... i just don't get these things. haha.

so... from tonight on i'll study for my next and final exam (unless i failed one or both of the written ones... cos then i'll have to re-do them in August and i won't have the bachelor's degree until i pass them all) :) that exam is about european history from the ancient Greeks and up till 1650. i think that i want to have a question in something from the Middle Ages as i really hate the ancient Greeks and Romans and the time after the Middle Ages are just boring. LOL. so.. Middle Ages for me, please. :)

i just really felt a need to type in my food diary for yesterday and today before i go to bed :)

Yesterday
breakfast:
2 buns with cheese and a cup of tea

in between meal:
1 bowl of yoghurt with Fiberkost and a cup of tea

Lunch:
1 apple and a cup of tea

dinner:
3 tuna meatballs and wholegrain pasta and a cup of tea

late night:
1½ cup of Koldskål

Today
Breakfast:
2 buns with cheese and ½ liter of water

in between meal:
2 tuna meat balls

lunch
2 slices of dark bread with tomato/mackerel and ½ liter of water

Dinner:
a microwave meal (don't worry... it only contains 115 calories per 100gram :D), 1 apple and ½ liter of water.

late night:
2 cups of tea

And now i'm going to bed!!! *goodnight to you all*

i was pretty much not myself yesterday after all that crap with Kim and Julie. so i only just barely wrote down what i ate. not writing anything about time or how much i ate... i still feel pretty weird about the whole thing and i feel like i should just prepare to be a hermit when i'm done at the uni. i feel like... i just don't really fit in with other people.. i mean... i do have a few "real life" friends that i get along with very well and that i've never been angry at or anything. but besides that i feel more and more awkward when i hang out with people or go to the metal pub. like i'm just not compatible with humans?
my whole day yesterday just kind of overwhelmed me with this feeling that i should just aim for a hermit life... perhaps it'll change again some time... but for the moment i think i'm back to where i was in january/february... feeling really really insecure about humans.

well... i just need to focus on my exam and i do that as well as i can. i'm having daily headaches again (which i also had when the stress started in february/march)so i have my naps. perhaps that's also because i have menstruation this week... either way... my mom is sending me some no-stress music so i can listen to that when i type in my exam-notes. i heard that it's supposed to help and my mom claims it has helped her a few times... so it's worth a try, i think. i am actually pretty happy now that i asked my penpals to wait with their letters to me to after my exams. i got one letter yesterday, but that's fine :) but... i'd get seriously stressed out if i had a pile with over 5 letters already. hehe.

( food )

today is election day for the european parliament and this other law about the royal family and if it should be ok for girls to inherit the danish throne if they are the first born even if they have smaller brothers. equality between the sexes or not. :D so i spent one hour of walking today. first i walked to the place where i was to vote and then i went to Netto (i know that at least some of you know Netto) and i bought strawberries and some koldskål (i don't know if you have an english word for it... but it's a bit like milk, just a little bit thicker (probably because of the eggs that is mixed in) and it has lemon and sometimes also vanilla-taste to it). i want to have koldskål with strawberries in as my evening snack as i watch the election-programs on TV :) i haven't tried it before but i hope that it will be sweet and fresh to my taste buds :D

( food diary )

i started on a food-diary today wherein i note all my meals (what i ate and when), what i drink, when i get up and go to bed, if i do naps and what i did as exercise. so here's the food i ate today:

( Read more... )

when i weighed myself this morning i was both sad and happy. i had gained 600 grams since last week which is bad, but i honestly thought i'd gained at least 1 kg, so it was not really THAT bad after all. so... i now weigh 88.7 kg. *sigh*

i decided that after i've finished this bag of corn that i make popcorn from then i won't eat any potato chips or popcorn until after my birthday at the earliest. i have eaten these things WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much lately... bad excuses being like: now you have an exam-then it's ok to get a bag of chips or now you are done with your exam-then it's ok to get a bag of chips. i need to put into mind what some woman on the biggest loser once said (though she only talked about work outs...): there's no room for bad excuses as they are the ones that made you fat.
i think that applies to my bad eating habits as well. i also need to drink more tea and water again. am not sure if eating the rest of the popcorn is a bad excuse... i just know that i will feel really relly bad if i just throw them out in the garbage, i feel like that with all food. i even have some cheese of a kind that i really hate so i don't eat it and i just keep it in the fridge till i find someone who'll have it or it's gotten too old. i'm like that with the popcorn as well. and i know from experience that i cannot let popcorn and potato chips just be hidden away somewhere in the kitchen. cos i know it's there and it's like a worm wiggling about in the back of my head until i eat some of it. i can try to refuse this craving... but then, by ten-eleven pm i'm feeling so messed up about it that i am almost crying. it's nuts that i feel like this when i have those "foods" in the house cos i don't feel it when i don't have them.

on other things. i just finished what i had to read about the history of Denmark from 1900-2000 for my exam on the 17th or the 18th. i feel like i've really accomplished something by doing this LOL. now i just need to read what i missed or skipped for 6 classes of that subject, Europe in the World 2. i am not sure how many pages that will be. but i'll read as many as possible until monday where i'll start getting a good overview of my notes (typing them into the computer and then later on i'll print them out and use as prep-notes for my exam).

I think that it might be because it's only a month till the summer vacation starts.... but recently i have LOADS of plans for parties and other kinds of activies that i want to come true within the next year.

so... in order to make this entry seem not encredibly long and overwhelming (damn i use that word a lot these days... Freud, are you there?) i'll put the plans under a LJ-cut:

( plans )

i might just be too demanding and everything... but... why aren't anybody commenting on my entries? are they so long that ppl just give up reading them?

well... i just spent an hour in my garden and i am just getting rid of EVERYTHING there except the dirt and my lavendar. everything else has to go and then I'll start from scratch this autumn or next spring. depends on how far i get this summer with clearing the garden totally. hehe.
some of the bushes have grown into being like small trees which are hell to get out of the ground when you don't have some great manly tools. hehe. but i am working my butt off out there (so it's ok that i don't get to the gym so often... i simply work out with gardening. LOL)and i can really see the progress. :) some of the overgrown bushes has grown outside my fence, and the fence being of pretty cheap quality will not last for a long time of branches and bushes growing through it so it's good that i get it cleared out!!!

i need some stuff to get rid of the ants. cos i got a LOT of them. i don't want to totally wipe out the ant population in my garden. i just don't want them invading my terrasse and i don't want them to live too close to my house... i know this sounds like i don't like ants. but i do. it's just that ants can get into my house when the doors are closed and i don't want to have ants in my livingroom or my bedroom for that matter. and the ants on my terrasse... well... i don't want to have ants crawling all over me if i sit out there for a long time. haha.

i think it's pretty exciting to see how well i actually get the garden cleared... some of the plants and flowers and bushes hav overgrown so much that they are almost impossible to move. so i can only hope that i got it all, you know? hehe.

i really feel that eventhough i am killing the plants by taking them out of the dirt and into big black bags i am in good contact with nature when i'm out there in my garden. i like getting my hands dirty and i like to save the beetles and worms from getting into the bags just in the last minute (yeah, i feel that i'm saving lifes. LOL) and i like to see that my garden is getting less and less overwhelming to look at :) if only i could have some help from, let's say.... MY DAD! but oooooh no. his wife doesn't want them to help me (she's always walking in his foot prints when he's out here... strange bitch, if you ask me) but she has no problems laughing at my garden because it's so unorganized. she has no problems with telling me i need to get something done with the garden. but when i tell her that i need help to do that she shuts up and looks at me in that way that tells you "well, you are NOT going to ask me!" and then if i keep talking about me needing hepl with the garden then she tells me that my dad doesn't have time to come and help me all the time. that he has a life on his own. well.. i'm not asking him to come here for days and days... i'm asking for a few hours with my dad. a few hours with hard work and quality time. but it seems that i am doing ok without their help after all. it just takes more time and i have more pain in my muscles afterwards than i would have if i got help from someone.

I really hope that "Ønskehaven" (a garden-tv show where people get the garden they wish for and that my mom contacted after she got home from her visit) will come and get me the best garden i could ever dream of: lots of herbs to use in food and teas and other things that can help you get well if you are ill in any way. lots of pretty flowers that i can use in bouquets and that i can dry and also use in herbal medication. and then i want vegetables and other things i can eat: carrots, strawberries, onions, carrots... stuff like that. if i could get these things in my garden i would be SO happy! and i think i need to find a good spot for Birger to be placed when he's outside in his cage. as it is right now i take his chair out and put it on the terrasse and then i place him on it. but it'd be nice to have a place for him that was out there all the time so i didn't have to move that goddamn chair around so much. perhaps a little air tight box where i could keep my smaller gardening tools and then Birger could be on top of the box?

i think the biggest project in my garden is to get rid of my tree. you know i love trees so much... but the tree in my garden is too big (both height-wise and wide-wise) to my garden, i think. perhaps if i got rid of that tree i could get a nice apple tree instead? they aren't so big and apples are useful :) i think i'd want either golde delicious-apples or royal gale-apples if i ever got an apple tree.

perhaps i should join a gardening community when my garden is cleared so i can get some ideas as to what i should get. and a herbal community as well!

*headbanging to Flat Beat*

so... i handed in the paper on friday and since then i just got more and more scared that i made mistakes that will make me fail. i prayed to Odin to give me some wisdom in order to pass the exam but what the hell does that help if i made other kinds of mistakes? i just have to wait 3 weeks to get the grade.... OH MY GAY GOD!!! i'm not sure how the waiting time will be... :S

tuesday-thursday is the next exam. also a paper to write but this time it's only going to be 3-5 pages long. so that's not so bad. last semester i passed a similar paper in that subject without ever being to the class or reading any homework for it. this semester i've been to about halft the classes i'd say and i read a few texts.... so i am optimistic!!! :)

so until then i have free time... and i am currently spending it on studying for the first oral exam i have (on the 17th or 18th). I get through the texts easier because i think of it as something "fun" to do... i don't HAVE to do it until after the exam next week.

diet-/weight wise this week has been a rollercoaster... i gained 1½ kg so at my weigh in on friday i weighed 99.1 kg. the friday before i "only" weighed 87.6. but now i'm back to 87.6. i know i should not weigh myself so often but i have to if i am to keep my motivation to eat well up. i did try to not weigh myself more than once per week but that made me not care too much about what i ate because i kept thinking that it'd only hurt on friday so i still had some days to go and then suddenly it'd be friday and i'd have gained weight. when i weigh myself 2-3 times a week (i only count the friday weigh-in as the real one. it's the friday weigh that counts) i keep in mind that i have to eat healthy food. and a good weigh in also makes me so happy and full of energy that i have to dance and sing and (if i'm outside) walk fast. so... it's all good i think.
as some of you might remember i had this huge fear in the autumn that i could get an eating disorder. i think it was the shock of suddenly being so damn aware of what i eat and what my food contains of calories and so on. the fear still pops up from time to time but it only lasts for maximum 1 day. so it's going much better with that. i also think that one of the things that really assures me that i will not get an eating disorder is that i simply will NOT let myself weigh less than 65 kg and i am very aware that my goal is to be just somewhere between 65-70 kg. and i've also made it very very clear for my mom that i will not ever weigh less than 65 kg so she knows that if i get under that weight she has to be really aware about what i do.
when i weighed 70kg i was still a little chubby but it was not much. my ideal weight is 68kg so.... i think that 65-70 kg will be good for me, you know?

oh... i realized that i can wear medium shirts!!! for a long time i didn't dare to do that because i was big and the shirts and tops would be too tight if they were a size medium. But i am a medium girl with the shirts and tops again *YAY!* so friday after i handed in the paper, me and Marie Louise went to H&M and i bought a black top and a black fishnet-tanktop both size medium. my ass is still a big size xl or something like that. i'm happy that i'm pear-shaped but seriously... it's pretty much. from head to navel i'm actually slim enough but from navel to feel it's just... KA-BOOM!!!!... big. when i gain weight i think it's like... 80% under the navel and 20% over it. something like that, at least.
on the other hand i hope that when i lose weight it'll be 80% under the navel and 20% over it. hehe. there has to be a balance in the unbalance. LOL. as i said... i'm happy that i'm pear-shaped... but i'm not happy that it's so much that i feel my body is un-proportional so much. i am sure that it's because of my shape that i haven't gotten diabetes type 2 or something creepy like that. if i was apple-shaped i probably would have gotten it. :S i am really healthy actually... my doctor has had me through health tests twice now and both times he saw no warning signs of anything except that i was overweight.

i still sometimes get overwhelmed by this feeling of being incredibly alone with losing weight as if i'm the only person in the world trying to lose weight, you know? i mean.. i get support every now and then both here and from my mom and my friends... but that support is mainly expressed via text messages or comments here. i'd just LOVE it if one of my friends asked me if i'd come over and have dinner at his/her place and we'd eat something that was not "violating" my diet. or if someone would just... i don't know. i would just really love some real physical support. i'd just love it if Kim would start losing weight as well cos then we could do it together. i am not sure if this is selfish of me to wish for.

i've seen the first 4 episode of the Thunderbirds!!!! I just LOOOOOOOOVE it! i can't believe that i haven't seen it for so many years. my mom is also nuts about the Thunderbirds. it's really been a revival LOL. i will now go and see if there is any stationery with the Thunderbirds and if there is i'll see if i have money to get it. I'd LOOOOOVE letter sets or notepads with the series!!!! if anyone has ever seen any Thunderbird notepads or letter sets please let me know, ok? :)
The Thunderbirds are GO!

first i put all the onion and the red peppar (with a tiny bit of oil) onto the pan:



then i put the meat in after a minute or two and fry it all:



and then i put it in a little bowl. rice in the bottom and the meat stuff on top:




it is kind of a wok-thing just without the wok, i think. haha. and it's up to you how healhty you want it to be. i try to keep it pretty healthy.... low fat meat and as much vegetables i think i can eat. hehe. and on top of all this i am drinking green tea without honey in it (i used to put honey in my tea but i don't think there's a need in this kind). green tea is gooooood!!! :)

yayness on how i feel pretty and i can't help but to look in the mirror and getting all excited about how i just feel great weight/size wise today and i look myself in the eyes and tell me that i can't wait to reach 80 kg (that's just about 7.5kg from now but i could be wrong as the period messes with my weight a bit) and i do a little happy dance. haha. i just feel so good about myself today even though i still have some pain because of the menstruation....

i bought the Thunderbirds dvd-box for my mom today. so now she can die happy, so to speak haha

and i am finally getting my blanket and my green foot washed. the blanket is what i almost always sit under when i'm sitting on my couch and the green foot is this anti-slippery thing i have on the floor in the bathroom hehe. i really really needed to wash both items... and i FINALLY got the stuff in a washing machine hehe.

when it's done i'll hang it up outside to dry in the wind. and when it's out there i can go and do a little gardening as well. you can't really see that just a month ago i got rid of 2 huge black bags of weeds and stuff that just got too overwhelming in the garden. it's all grown over again. how in the world can there be so many seeds in such a small garden. it seems that no matter how much i take up from the ground there's always new plants and flowers waiting to get sun and rain to grow from the spot i just cleared. i am seriously thinking about just clearing the whole garden and then start all over again... oooohhh... i'll have to take my mom into councelling with this, i think. i'm still 100% new to all the gardening stuff so i don't know what's best. and i don't want to ask my dad.

oh... did i tell you guys that on thursday i'm going to my grandmom's birthday? she'll be 92 years old. HAHA!!! i am planning to get as old as her if not older. i mean... why not? she still hangs out with her girl friends and they drive to all places in denmark in the summers and have a good time. 8 years ago my grandmom broke her neck from falling and she didn't mind that much but she got admitted to the hospital and was there for a while. she still has her driver's license. she almost gets offended if you are her guest and you do not drink at least one beer. haha. i think it was last year that my dad's brother and my aunt got my grandmom so drunk in whiskey that they had to let her sleep on their couch haha.
if that's not a cool grandmom i don't know what is. i want to be as active (or more) as she is when i get 92.

today i bought 2kg of cow meat so now i can make lots of my yummy "meat sauce without the sauce"!!! ½ kg of meat, lots of onion, lots of red peppar and tons of curry and i have dinner for 2-3 days. so it was a good buy, i think. usually ½ kg of cow meat costs about 25-30 kroner but i gave 80kroner for 2 kg so that's only 20 kroner per ½ kg. :D i seriously feel like i just bought food for a month... hehe.

and i only have three letters to reply to now. *yay* the last one i have in the pile is to Anna and she's not home for months yet, so i have some awesome ideas about that letter. hehe. i feel so happy about all the letters i'm writing these days. and they all seems to be longer than usual. guess i have a lot to say, huh? :)

i'm really happy that i seem to be more active here at LJ again :)

I'd live in the viking age as a hermit-priestess in the woods somewhere. i'd be that crazy lady who speaks with the animals and listen to the winds. :)

today i had HUGE pains because of my menstruation. OH MY GAY GOD it was crazy. i couldn't sit down at all and honestly... waiting for the doctor to calling me in so he could cut off this mole i had (yeah.. it's gone now) on my right arm didn't help much. the thought of somebody cutting my arm is NOT good... luckily the whole cutting-thing was fast. :)
oh yeah...my body temperature is also hell.... i mainly freeze so much that i shake all over my body and i feel that cold you feel when you just get out of the shower... :S

i think it must be because of my menstruation that i have lost 1.4kg since friday... LOL. i am still a bit obsessed with weighing myself but i still only let the friday-weigh in be the "real" one. i try to only weigh myself on mondays and fridays and it's going pretty well, actually.
i was feeling like a whale when i woke up today so i thought that i might have gained weight since friday but no... haha. but as i said before... i'm sure it's because of the menstruation. my mom usually gains weight when she has hers but perhaps i just lose weight with mine.

the greatest thing EVER that happened to me today: i found the dvd-box with The Thunderbirds -series and i only had to pay 60 kroner for it!!! that's $ 10.93, £ 7.24, euro 8.05. it's the puppet-series from '65. I saw it when i was a little girl (it was a re-run LOL) and i just loved loved loved it!!!!!
the guy in the shop that sold the dvd-box to me seemed to be surprised that i'd want that on dvd... he called it an "old thing" and he gave his co-workers weird looks and he gave me this weird grin when i said that now i know what to do on Sunday. stupid man.
I promised my mom to go and see if i can find a Thunderbirds-box for her as well. the weird thing is that my dad claims to have no clue whatsoever as to WHAT the Thunderbirds-series is. he says he's never even heard about it. i am seriously shocked about that!!!! but i LOOOOOOOVE my dvd-box... it's the first dvd-box i ever bought. so now i just want:
will and grace
futurama
the akira kurosawa box
shogun
when i have these i think my dvd-box needs are pretty much fulfilled :D

i was SO sure that karina's birthday party was today!!! so i got all dressed up and got in my dancing-party mood... and found out that it's tomorrow...

my studying for the classes at the uni fucks up my days... and the worst thing is that i am SURE i'll get picked on tomorrow about this... *sigh*

I'm so angry with Ricky right now... i can hardly put words to it. But here it is:

i am so angry that he's angry (or whatever is going on) with me when i'm the one who's supposed to be the angry one.
wrote him on MSN and asked if he still had some of my dvds... he replied an hour later with "i'll send them to you soon".... and then he just went offline!

i got to go the uni asap tomorrow morning so i don't sit at home and think too much about this.... i think i need people around me so i don't go nuts in a rage and tear up my house... *grrrr*

all this just made my PMS sooooo much more crazy!!!

this is when i work (notice the hair is not loose...)



this is when i party (notice the hair is loose...)

YAY!
met a guy on myspace who introduced me to www.brothers-of-beer.com and i hope to get lots of friends there! it's for beer drinking metalheads (i guess this is the group they are reaching out to as there are only three music fora: metal music, beer and folk music and other music LOL).

Join join join join... :D (if you are a metalhead and love beer...)

so.. he's asked me if i want to come and see his band practise. sounds like nothing has changed in the friendship and i'm SO happy about that! :)

oh.. another thing.. i thought i'd just try on my grey dress that i haven't tried on since i was 92kg. that's the limit for me to wear it. if i'm over 92kg i can't fit in it. so i have it on now and.. it fits me better than ever! only problem is that my breasts are not a bit too small to keep up the dress... so i gotta find a corsage or something to have on on top of the dress. it'll not be too hard to find i think..




the back used to be like a big bump because my ass would push it upwarts so my back looked like a "s" lol. but not anymore. YAY!

so as i wrote in a comment i wrote satan last night and told him about my feelings. the next few text messages went like this:
Him: you are? hehe. it's fine you tell me, i think, it's good to know how you are with things :) and it definetly does not ruin our friendship

Me: well i just "struggle" with this at the moment. perhaps because i care so much about you and our friendship. I feel like there's not far between my friendship feelings and these "extra" ones.

Him: i al definetly also very happy for our friendship and i don't think it'll get ruined because one of us has a little crush on the other.i have also had a crush on you (which i'd have liked to know when it actually happened.. LOL)

Me: i also don't feel like i hope you'll be single so i can have a chance (with you). hehe. i just hope you are happy. that's all i wish (for you). If it's with me or someone else doesn't matter much to me. also because i still don't want a boyfriend. haha

Him: thanx (he actually wrote that.. LOL. what a girl). and you too. (i think) it's best like this :)


so now it's all out in the open and i'm relieved about this. i don't feel bad that he ain't interested in me cos i know that if we are to be together some day he now know that the thought is not totally alien to me. but i don't think it'll be something to happen soon. so i think i'll be single for a long time to come. haha. i am also not really sure that he gives me that feeling i'm looking for.
i am happy that he didn't go all "ew... you like me?" on me... hehe. i actually think the whole conversation were kind of grown up and all. (except his "thanx). and i am not afraid at all that the next time we'll meet up will be awkward. i am sure it'll be just normal. :)

my mom just called me and asked me if i want to sell any of my diddl-collection. and YES! i want to do that!

it's for a costumer in the bookstore my mom works at who's daughter had all her diddl stolen at a swap-sleep over at a friend's place. what a cruel friend to have! grrr...

but i am SO willing to sell some of my diddl... of course not all of it.. but a lot. i hope it'll be enough to pay out some of the minus i have on my bank account. ooohh... i'm SO excited about this!

normally i wouldn't want to sell any of my stationery... but i am not too fond of diddl but then some years ago i bought a little on the net and then i got a diddl-mania... which lasted for a year or so... so now i have LOTS and LOTS of diddl! and all i actually wanted was just one of each sheet... hehe.. of course now i also sometimes use the sheets in my letters... but still... it doesn't feel so unique to write on diddl... cos everyone has diddl. it's more unique to write on the kind of sheets that not everyone has...

i am gonna make a GRAND diddl package for that girl! i feel so sad for her... what a stupid friend... how can a friend even think to steal something like that!?!?!??!

but... I'M GONNA MAKE SOME MONEY!!! a tinier minus on the bank account is SOOOO welcome!

WOOOOW!

just realized that i've lost 15lbs this far... 6.8kg= 15lbs! WOOHOO! makes me even more happy! cos lbs sounds of so much more than kg LOL

so... today i weighed myself... and i'm down to 89.2kg!!!!! that's 196.6lbs!!!! and it's only 3oog from my goal for this week. it's not too bad :D :D :D :D :D :D
i think it'll be pretty fair if i am sure that i'll be less than 89kg by friday... don't you? :D
i celebrated this by eating porridge. :) it was soooo nice. :D and not too unhealthy!
i also only ate one bun for breakfast (as my dietician told me to) and i still didn't feel hungry! it was pretty nice :D
i am sooooo happy about all this! and i must say.... it's SO great to eat a pizzabun for an in-between meal and think: it's healthy and you made it yourself. makes me so proud :)

today i am reading all my notes with my cases for the BA paper... and i'm gonna make a plan as to how i'm gonna write about it in the paper. and then i'll do that tomorrow and sunday. i hope that this way i can get the paper written this weekend and i can spend one or two days with sending it around to others to read and correct it and do it myself too. :)

i smell bad but i'll wait to take a shower till tomorrow morning. i think i need to feel totally refreshed if i'm to ever write this paper tomorrow LOL. I need to write about 14 pages :S

i am baking again today! i am so pleased with myself! this makes me save about 17kr for a bag of buns that i usually buy (there are about 9 buns in a bag). i am baking 17 buns. I hope they will taste as fantastic as usual!

when i was stirring the dough i realized that i had no problems with it. i used to get huge pains in my hand and wrist because it was hard for them (aparently) but today i had no problems at all!

i am looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow. my hope is to weigh 89kg. but i am not sure if i'll manage to do that. i think i probably won't. this week i've weighed myself almost daily just for fun and no matter what i weighed 90.3kg. today i was down to 89.6kg. i guess that as long as i'm under that tomorrow i'll feel as if my goal was reached :)

i think it'll be hard for me with the diet for the time to come. i have this strange feeling that the 80s are hard to get past. but i WILL get past them and i'll go through all the numbers from 79-70 as well :) i think the 70s will be better.

haven't worked out at all this month but it's ok. i haven't gained weight and i've begun to work out a bit at home.

i'm working on the paper still... i hope hope hope to get it done by the weekend. it'd be SO great! i've almost read ALL my primary litterature now. i can't believe i didn't just do that from day one. oh well.

gotta put the buns in the oven now.. :)

yesterday evening i saw an episode of this tv show that's about finding the biological family of adopted children. I usually don't watch this show but yesterday i tought that it'd be fun to watch since it's been so long since last time i did.
This time it was about this woman who was adopted from South korea. I was kind of shocked cos as some of you ppl know my brother is adopted from south korea. So i thought i'd make some notes as to how they found the woman's biological family and i did. i think they COULD be useful if my brother ever wants to find his mom (i doubt his dad will be interested in knowing my brother). it just made my daydream about going to korea with my brother and find his biological mother with him. i hope SO much he'll go someday! i am even very much willing to learn korean just for that sake. i know it's a bit obsessive and crazy... but... yeah... you know me :D

this evening on interpals i contacted this swedish guy who is korean. i guess he must be adopted too. he's been to korea a few times and he says he loves it. i've asked him how it is to be a scandinavian in korea. i mean... it must be very different in so many ways?

i want a big fat pizza with ham and cheese and bearnaise sauce and onions... but it's really late and i don't think i'd really want those few thousand calories... LOL. but still.. these days i'm also craving for cake. not just home baked... but bought from the local baker... really fat and sugar-filled cakes. but i try to calm this with eating a little candy when the cravings are too much for me... LOL.

today i read some more stuff for my BA paper.... and i learned new words. you'd thought it was a good thing but it really made me annoyed about the text and i ended up giving up on it. i simply couldn't make out any sense onf the whole thing. so i've moved on to other texts. but the words i learned or read that i stil have no idea what means are:
regailing
jack-daw
lascivious
augury

sometimes i think that the english language is just plain weird. i like danish soooo much better at times :D :D :D :D i think that it's mainly at these times i feel like i'm not good at english at all. (that's why i sometimes ask my penpals if my english is ok... )

birger is VERY active this evening! he's sooooooo cute *yay* but noisy *oh no!*

don't think i got to post a pic of my pizza buns yesterday... so i thought i'd post the pic today! and i just gotta say... 1 min in the micro wave and BANG! a piece of heaven on a plate. :D

today i've been having a weird day. it started with a dream i had:

i dreamed i was at my grandma's place with my mom. We were sitting in the livingroom and talking with my grandma's husband. he went out of the livingroom and then my grandma entered. i talked to my grandma a bit and then she too out this can with cookies in. She offered me some tiny heart shaped cookies (a kind we usually eat by christmas in denmark). i took three of them and she seemed so pleased about it. we talked a bit further and then she walked out of the room. Her husband came back and i remembered that my grandma was dead (she died in January). I got really confused cos i didn't understand why neither my mom nor my grandma's husband had seen her. and then i thought that if they couldn't see her then at least my mom would have to worry about why i was suddenly talking to no one. but none of them questioned anything and then i woke up.

I woke up with a TERRIBLE migraine! i had to go to the postoffice and it was windy outside. the wind (!!!) made my migraine worse....

I know my grandma wanted to tell me something but i don't know what it was. i don't remember what we talked about in the dream. and the number three has no specific meaning to me. my grandma made food all the time but never cookies. so it's a bit weird that she offered me cookies.

I talked to my ex about it (he's open to spiritual things and even though he sometimes exaggerate his abilities he usually gives some good hints still) and he said that she really had wanted to tell me something. i told him about my headache and then it disappeared almost completely for a little while. he said that it was because my mind ain't as strong as it should be if it was to control/understand the things/phenomena i was exposed to. and suddenly it made sense why i have had migraines almost daily the last few months..

but i don't know if i should believe this. as my penpals know, i know that i can do many things but i don't believe i can do it. this goes for tarot readings, healing, spirits and stuff like that.

when i walked to the post office my migraine was so bad that i had tears in my eyes. not because i was crying really.. it was just more like... i had a wrong pressure in the head or something. i can't really explain it.

any ideas about what my grandma could have wanted me to know/perhaps she wanted me to do something?

last night was yet another night where i couldn't go to sleep. i was not tired at all. so i decided to try to read myself tired with stuff for the BA paper... which didn't help. it just gave me a headache. so i stopped reading and tried to fall asleep so i could get rid of the headache... and then it hit me! i actually think it was like a revelation LOL! I figured out how the paper is going to be... i mean... with titles and what to write where and i also think i know how i'm to do the analysis-part!

but i didn't write much on it today... i felt it was more important to wash clothes and then i felt like doing a little gardening. LOL. i got rid of 1/4 of my hosta.... i am soooo tired of it being soooooo big and the leaves are soooo big with the tiniest flowers. my dad talks about hosta plants a lot but he never really can give me a straight out answer as to if he wants some of mine.... so i decided to just get rid of it. after pulling up the hosta for about 10 minutes i decided to stop... and i'd only taken up a fourth of the whole thing! it's CRAZY!

The last two days i've been stressed and all AARRGGHH!! about my BA paper... so i haven't eaten so much... i forgot about eating and didn't feel hungry. so today when i weighed myself in order to motivate myself to give it a go with the weightloss this week i was under 90kg again. i'd been 90.3 this last week... but now i'm back to 89.9. i was a but worried about this cos now that i feel better i feel like i've been starving my body... i called my mom and said this and she said that it was ok cos i'm under 90kg again and happy for that. yes i am happy to be under 90kg again.... but i still feel like i starved my way to it. and it freaked me out a bit that my mom didn't even say "it's not good that you haven't eaten properly the last two days".... perhaps she's ok with it because it's only 400g i lost? but still... :S

i'm doing good with drinking tea though! and i'm doing fine with carrots! it's 8.20 pm and i'm still not entirely done with my dinner. i decided to eat both carrots and a banana as my green stuff hehe. and i'm not even started on the banana yet. i'm thinking about eating it for an in-between meal tomorrow instead. i'm not really hungry anyway...
I made 1½ dl rice for dinner as usual but only ate half of it and the rest is now in the fridge. :) so i have a bit less food to make tomorrow... perhaps i'll just heat some fish in the oven and heat up the rice in the microwave... and then eat carrots as the green stuff. *yay*

birger is cute as hell... i can't believe such a tiny being can be so goddamn amazing!

i'm planning to send letters to two new penpals tomorrow. It's doing really great with the whole "finding new penpals at the interpals-site". :D lucky for me i've only had about 4 creepy emails from guys who were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to old to even be considered penpals. LOL. what would i do with a 40 year old male penpal? seriously? the penpals i have that read this knows how personal my letters can be... hehe. so honestly... a penpal that is only 8 years younger than my mom? naaahh... LOL

I think i should make weekly goals again... :( i think i am up to 90-point-something again.... sigh. i just don't know what goals to make besides the 85kg in november. so i could use some suggestions/advice from you guys....

should i go for 1kg per week (which i think is pretty crazy... i am not sure i can do that... :S)
should i just go for ½ kg per week? (perhaps that's a bit too low for me?)

i'm not really potimistic these days... my weight ain't going down as i hoped it would... and my sleeping habits are crazy again... and i have only written 8½ pages on my ba paper... my plan was to have it written by now and being in the middle of correcting it and making it better.

yesterday i had a migrain. and today my ear hurt. birger is loud loud! LOUD! but i try to keep up my mood. i really really try.

i had this cool dream about birger this morning: he was eating carrot... a LOT! so he was all orange on most of his body..... haha..

ot the first things back from the swap yesterday :) some cute stationery and great address labels :)

So... this is what i've come up with for the travelling notebook this far. I want to know if xpagan_goddessx like this cover or i should re-do it.

Of course everyone can tell me if they like this collage :D

I haven't glued the cuttings on yet as i want to know if this collage is looking goooood or i should try to make it in a different way... :)

so... my goal for this week was to be less than 90kg. turned out that i weighed EXACTLY 90.00kg! it's amazing that i can actually weigh so little... hehe.

i made this deal with myself that when i weight less than 90kg (even if it's 89.99kg)then i'd try my clothes in the box in the closet. i am sure that i must be able to fit at least one pair of the stockings. and i hoped (end expected) to be 89.something kg today... but i'm not. so i won't try on any of the clothes. i'm sure that i'll be 89kg tomorrow... and then i can try the clothes before i go on a walk with two of my friends :)

last night i couldn't sleep... and then i thought that i should just relax and think about something nice. so i thought about how it's going with my diet:
if i lose 1kg each week until christmas i will weigh 79kg on christmas eve! (my goal is still just 80kg).

i weighed 80kg when i started at the uni in september 2005. oooohhhh..... i can't wait to be that weight again! i think i'll also have so much more energy by then :)

i read on the internet that just two cups of green tea during the day increases your fatburn and your digestion with 4%.... so i am drinking tea again now! perhaps that will make me lose 1kg pr week again instead of "just" 600-700g? it's worth a try. and it's so nice to drink something warm now that the weather is getting colder. :)

OH MY! i just thought about the fact that i will be able to swim at the beach next summer! cos then i will fit my bathing suit! *yay* i haven't been at the beach for years... i miss it! sand in the ass... what's better than that? LOOOL

my friends tell me that i should not put my hopes too high when it comes to my goals cos i might get disappointed if i don't reach them... but i'm not too worried... if i don't reach my goal one week then i'm just more determined to reach my goal for the next. i'm only disappointed if i gain more than ½kg in a week if i don't think i ate anything "bad"...

i don't think i'll make any weight goals for next week.. i'll just work hard on weighing 85kg by the 7th or 14th of novemer. :) i needed my weekly weight goals this month because i was about to lose motivation with my weightloss. but now i'm über motivated again! so i don't need weekly goals like that anymore.

this motivation makes me think about my diet and foods again that (again) i'm afraid to get an eating disorder... *sigh* that was also something i thought about last night. and i came to the conclusion that i simply cannot see myself weighing less than 65kg (i can't even remember what i looked like last time i weighed 65kg)so perhaps it's just a fear that i have now...
i HATE throwing up... and a love to eat... so i might not get bullemia nor anorexia. what about eehhmm.. orthorexia...? making your own diets and rules for eating? but then i thought that the "rules" i have about eating are rules that i learned from the dietician... and rules that i don't have from her are rules i have from earlier diets i went on. so i don't think that i make up my own rules. and i can't wait to relax more with my eating...! gooooood it'll be so good!

i decided that when i reach 65-70 i'll weigh myself once every 1-2 months.. cos i'm determined not to be biiig again so i'll do my very best to stay at 65-70kg for the rest of my life. i think i'll cancel my payment to the gym then and just have a card where i can go there ten times whenever i want.
i don't want to ever weigh less than 65 kg... it'd be too skinny for me. and over 70kg would be too risky for me i think.

well... this mustbe enough of dieting-update for now LOL.

OH BTW! i'm doing my envelope-swappings again!

i just read on a website that my bmi is "only" 32.7 now. it started out at 34. so something IS happening!
I also read that my ideal weight is 68.9kg so i think it's just a perfect goal for me to end up at 65-70 kg. :)

i decided that when i'm under 90kg (hopefully by friday) i will start to try on the clothes i have in my box in the closet. i think that i should be able to fit some of it already. i haven't been this slim since spring 2006 and i think that some ot the skirts at least still ft me back then. it's very tempting to try on the clothes already... but i refuse to do it because i want it to be a "gift" for me when i'm under 90kg to (perhaps) fit some of the clothes in the box. i really hope i can fit my grass-green skirt soon. i think it'd look so well with black clothes and my totally worn dr. martens. i'll try to lose weight enough to be able to wear it for the vader/grave/zonaria/gilla bruja-concert on the 31st.

my stumach has hurt for two days now and i've been so tired since friday so i skipped class today.

i ate a pizza on saturday (cos my dad's wife said they had no food to heat in the house so she told me that if i wanted a hot meal (which i really really did) i had to order a pizza) and now i have two "vulcanos" growing on my face. one on my chin and one on the side of my nose... i can feel them on my face when i talk... they are threatening to be REALLY huge soon and really tender. and with my luck i'll look like a pizza in the face at the concert. LOL.
this made me look in to the mirror this morning and say to myself that i won't have pizza again for months and months. my skin is way less "safe" from pimples and black heads since i started on my diet. it's really crazy. i can eat a bag of crisps/chips and the next day my chin and forhead is FILLED with tiny pimples.... litterally. and on topof that i still gain 1kg after a bag of crisps/chips.

it's amazing to be online again.... :)

so... this day turned out to be both up and down... but the great thing it that i am on the INTERNET from my own LAPTOP! i can't believe it! It's so great! i can even add more userpics (i just uploaded two) and i'm using Mr. T for this entry cos the whole "internet and laptop"-thing is as cool as him. *yay*

i'm trying to install msn messenger... i think it's working!

oh my!

*happy dance*

...so i'll post now! *YAY!* 

big news! i got a friggin laptop! i judt bought it today. i think it's gonna be a christmas gift from my mom... which is just.. FANTASTIC! I LOOOOVE IT! but there's no internet on it yet. no need to panic, though, cos i think there's a wireless internet at the uni that i can use. *wee* 
i'll just go without internet at home for a little more time. i actually think it's quite nice that i don't stay on the computers for hours and hours just to see if i got a mail since the last time i checked (5 min earlier). LOL

and today i'm going to Kansas City on the intro-guide- thing... i hope i won't have to take a shift this coming weekend... i kind of hope that i can take my first shift at some great concert... *woohoo!*

oh my... i just can't get my hands down... i'm SOOOOO happy that i have a laptop now. i can't believe it's mine! (and with my luck it's probably stolen when i get home... LOL. of course someone will come and break in right now and steal my new laptop... and nothing else).

i think i will actually be writing my BA paper finally... no more stupid delays! *fantastic*

and just in case you didn't notice... I'M REALLY REALLY ÜBER HAPPY!!!!!! *yaaaaaaay*

xpagan_goddessx did a reading about my lovelife in the future and she used her Goddess cards :) i think it was really nice! thank you so much, dear :) 

my immediate past made lots of sense: that i'm being too polite to tell ppl no and that it has been like a boundary for me. that i need to recognize and respect this and other boundaries. good thing to know :) i will try that in the future

my current situation: i was really surprised and i'm really happy about that!  that i should have faith that my prayers have been heard. and that they are being answered. ohhh i'm SOOOO excited about that! (i know what i prayed for... so now i'll just have to wait and see). and i shouldn't worry so damn much (this is like the 1000th time i hear that from all kinds of ppl and cards and spirits.... argh!)

my future outcome: the word is love. love all and everything and all the actions and thoughts and whatever. and i am doing my very best at that. trust me. sometimes my friends won't talk to me when they are all sad and down... cos i'm so damn positive that they feel like i'm mocking them because they are so negative. i think i can understand that. but i can't help it. sorry. LOL

i think i'll keep this reading under my pillow tonight as well as with the reading i did about the situation with ian. i'll probably end up with a pillow several inches from the madress because of the pile of readings i keep there. LOL.

gained weight again so this whole weekend has been about working out and eating at least 5 times per day! it's doing fine and i am still damn proud of my work out last saturday! i burned like... 338 kcal! and i worked out hard hard with my legs and shoulders! unfortunatly i couldn't do many sit ups as i couldn't breathe... i'm ill but it's getting better. i'm going to the doctor's tomorrow.

i'm trying to tell myself that i only have feelings for ian cos i'm in love with being in love. it has to work out that way. i'm still thinking about him from time to time but my mind is more occupied with stress about my BA... *screaming*
seems i have to skip reading for classes and just work on the BA only until... well.. until november 1st.

Have just been invited to a dinner-party with the MSU (muslim student union) at the uni. it's really great that cute amir still remembers me! if i can find time for it i'll go and i'll ask anyone to join cos it's for a good cause.

i'm thinking about becoming a volunteer at one of the concert places in odense. that'd mean free concerts and lots of new friends. and i'll only have to take like one shift per month. so it wouldn't ruin my studies too much.

i want to find some single man who can make me feel like ian made me feel. is that too much to ask for?

i gotta go again. so much email to read when you haven't been online for almost a week. LOL

got home a bit earlier than expected last night. it was 10.20 pm and i had expected to be home about midnight. so i stayed up for an hour to just relax and calm down after my travel home from Budapest. i slept SO good last night. it was amazing. haha. 

I had a really nice trip! i was not as open and out going as i usually am (which i'm sorry for) but i think it's because i felt a need to be aware all the time about what was going on as i was now in a place i didn't know at all. I think i've been like this every time i've been to another country. 

I totally loved that i didn't get to feel too much of a tourist. I don't want to come to a new country and just see what the rest of the tourists see. i want to get a unique impression of the country i'm visiting. and i really feel i did that. so thank you so much to Anna for letting me see the "darker" sides of Budapest as well. I totally liked your stationery shops and that first market we went to! xpagan_goddessx   knows i was thinking a bit about my weight... had i gained weight from the food i ate  in Hungary? or did i lose weight because of how often i ate and how much we walked?.... so i weighed myself  today and i actually lost 1kg! haha! I was so glad about this. But i don't understand why i felt so fat in Budapest.  I mean... i lost weight... but i felt as if i'd just gained all the weight i've lost from july 1st. i don't know why i felt (and still feel) like this. perhaps it was because i tried not to care too much about what i ate? i don't know.  i don't know why the text is suddenly all weird. just because i linked to an LJ user? strange.  well... the rest of today will be about getting my every day back together. buying food is the main thing! i have absolutely nothing in my fridge. 

i've gained some weight but i'm ok with it i guess. i know i ate terribly wrong the last week or so... so i'm to blame and it's ok. all in all i've still lost weight. of course i feel really fat again now that i've gained a little weight but i just gotta fight that feeling cos i'm still smaller than when i started to lose weight. 

i am SO ready for budapest! i wonder if budapest will ever be ready for me? LOL

martine's ex and i are talking via facebook a bit again. it's cool. he's making music again and he told me he'll have some gigs with one of his bands and i am seriously thinking about going there. just to see him again and perhaps have a little beer with him. i'm just worried about how much mess martine could/would make of it... but as satan says: she's way past her ex and has had a new bf for about 6 months now. but i'm thinking that she had already been with her new bf for a month or two when she freaked out about me talking to him at Mageløs. i don't want anymore trouble from her.... so in a way i might not want to go after all. but on the other hand... she's not like...a god you shouldn't cross. i mean... i won't get cursed just because she gets mad. and she's not the only friend in the world. so if she gets pissed at me for being at the guy's gig then fuck her. on the... hmm... third hand... i wouldn't want to get her mad at me cos she knows a LOT of ppl and i know she can charm her way to new ppl too. and i'm honestly not sure if she'd start backtalking me if she got mad at me. and as i said... she can charm every one. i don't think i know anyone who'd not mind about her.... she's so.. colorful and loud and happy and all that... i think i'm the more... mysterious kind of type... ppl seem to love me when they talk to me... but they love martine just by looking at her. 

but i think i'll go to the gig. i won't let her person decide what i am to do and who i am to see. so even though i love her (and hate her)... just fuck her if she's mad. she is very egocentric about some things... and it's that thing i can't take with her. 

on saturday i'll go to my grandmom's husband and sleep till sunday. then i won't have to stress a lot about getting to the airport and stuff... instead of having to get up at 8am i can get up an hour or two later. not that i can sleep till 9 am anyway... but still.. LOL. i just love to be in bed and not do anything but look into the wall or meditate or something. 

there're some really annoying kids here at the library... they are looking at porn it seems... and they are really disrespectful and they are even farting really loudly. i know i  fart too and i think it's fun.. but i don't fart loudly in public. stupid kids... grrr... 

why is my computer never just a great computer? i mean... it's either broke and more or less dead or it's working somewhat fine. it's never just working. grr... 

today i got up at 10, ate breakfast and got this terrible pain because of my menstruation so i went back to bed and read in the wheel of time. my dad's wife came in and shouted "oh my god lene! are you sleeping!?!" i said no. then she said "how can you sleep in all that noise your dad's making!?!?!?" (he was fixing the wondows) and i said "i wouldn't know.. i haven't tried". and she gave me an annoyed sound and walk out of the room again. IT WAS SO GREAT! she seemed angry because she didn't get the last word.... she wasn't the one to laugh at me. i was the one to laugh at her! *evil grin* it was so fantastic! i gotta do that some more! a WHOLE lot more! 

wrote with satan last night. i was SO horny and he just happened to write me so i kind of... "attacked" him via SMS. it was fun. he ended up being really horny too... and then we went to sleep LOL. we talked a bit about maybe having sex when he visits me from tomorrow till saturday. but i never like to PLAN sex.... so i just told him that we'll see what happens. 
i think we both feel like this: we would be fine with having sex... but we'd also be just fine if we never had sex. that's cool, i think. it's like... sex is not necessarily a no-go but it's not a must neither. it's as relaxed as it could ever be, i think :)

btw... i'm done with the wheel of time vol. 8 so tonight i'm starting on vol9. *yay* the prologue is over 80 pages long... *yawn* i hate long chapters... cos they are almost always so interesting that i just HAVE to read the whole chapter until i can put myself to sleep... but i'm about 20-30minutes about reading just 25 pages...  so i will have to devide the chapter over two-three nights or just go to bed really early tonight. LOL 
i read the other day that there are actually 12 volumes in the series. i only thought it was 11. and i only have 10. i think the last two volumes will be in a very different design than the ones i have. they are probably just black with the wheel of time logo in different metallic colors. instead of the designs on the books i do have with lovely pics.... typical fantasy. :D i need to find out if i can get the last two volumes in odense. it HAVE to be possible. or else i'll have to buy them in a shop in copenhagen via the internet... sigh. i'm just googling the book in all the bookstores in odense... and this far nothing is found.

i might not be able to write an update until monday... but i'll try. if i'm lucky my dear buddha will be able to fix my computer on saturday. but i don't really have high hopes on that... :( 

 well... this is all from me for now.. hope you all will have a great weekend :) *big hugs to you all*

i'm at my dad's. needed something done so i "had" to come over here. the dinner was: meat balls, potatoes and MELTED BUTTER! christ.... i felt so sick so fast... i just RAN and ate an apple. oohh... red apples... looooove them when my stomach is about to die... LOL. i feel better (i don't feel like i'm about to vomit or have the runs) but i still feel sick. oh my. i've decided to keep my day tomorrow extra good and not eat after 5pm. so most of/all i gain today will be out again soon... o course my dad's wife didn't believe that it's the melted butter that made my stomach go nuts... she thinks it's because i ate so much. but it doesn't hurt. it just feels wrong. she's just a stupid bitch that will do and say whatever she can to be right. she also bullied my dad today. and me, of course. it's amazing how she just can'tsee that the only person in my family that likes her is my dad. *feelinglike strangling someone....* 

i won't do anything about the auction. 

bought some booksabout the bible today in a second hand store...i don't really need them and i don't have any space for them inmy bookshelf... but what the hell...nowthey are mine and i think they could be useful some day. ooooh how i just love books! *woohoo!* 

found a prize tag on my brother's wall today (he hangs up prize tags and bags from the clothes he buys... is that in now?) from a pair of pants i think. 2200kr! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!?!?! he's14 years old andhe uses over 2000kr on pants!?!?? i won't even use 400kr on a dress. i'm thinking about saving up money for some new dr. martens... but those boots also lasts for decades... LOL. the dr. martens boots i have now was some i got on my 15 year -birthday. becausemy mom had this great urge to throw out theold ones i had... 

sorry about missing spaces. my brother's keyboard sucks. a LOT! 

i need sex. perhaps with satan? he seems reallykeen on helping me getting orgasms with the vibrator anyway.... i don't think it'd ruin our friendship, actually. like... it didn't ruin my friendship with lars that we fucked 2 years back. i really think that's cool:) i wantmorefriends like that. LOL. 

i showed my dad a pic of Svane today. He's one of lars' friends that i met on saturday. he's the most "true hippie" i've seen in real life who was not alive in 69. my dad seemed to agree.... he seemed to kind of "flow back" to the 60s just by looking at the picture of Svane. LOL. a thing i've thought about is the name, Svane. It means swan in danish.... ain't that pretty gay? even if you are hippie? my gaydar didn't react at all on him.... so i suppose it's justhis last name or something. but still. swans a psycho-gays. 

it's "that time of the month" so i sleep so crappy these nights. and when i finally go to sleep i have super nasty nightmares. like last night i dreamed that i was in the back of a car with my grandmom and the car stopped as this old woman on the street pulled out a shot gun and aimed atmy grand mother's head. i heard a shot and looked at my grandmom who was just fine. the  lady on the street had been shot dead by her husband who broke into the cari sat in and began to rape me. when i woke up i could still feel his hands on my legs... EW EW EW! 

why do i never ever dream normal sex dreams? i once dreamed that i wassailing taht steam boat mickey mouse was sailing in one of the early cartoons. and then suddenly BAM! i started masturbating with a HUGE orange wine gum. 
or what about the time i dreamed about having sex with my (gross) uncle... AND A SOCK!?!?!?! 
or when i fucked a card board box like i was a little dog!?!?!?! 
it's never just dreams with nudity and normal sex. it's always fucked up and surreal. when it's not just plain disgusting. 

i envy ppl with normal sex dreams. i really do.

finally! i uoloaded a pic of my dear budgie, Birger :) he's a sweetie :)

so i went to the gym thinking that it was just a bad excuse that i was tired and that i had a suspicion (wow i can't spell) that my knee was kind of bad. i only trained with the cardio machines for 40 minutes and then i had to go to the shower and go home. i did burn 337 calories... but i am still not satisfied because i had to leave so early. but i had to. if i didn't stop my knee would get all swollen and i probably wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow. that's how stupid my knees get at times because of my hyper mobility. it hasn't occured for a long time but today it happened. actually i am at the library now cos i had to print out the plane ticket for when i'm going to budapest. so i still have a little way to walk home. but at least i am sitting down so i am relaxing in my knee a bit now. 

on the way to the gym i met this girl from my religion class. she told me that i looked great! made me think that perhaps you can already see that i'm losing weight. but then i remembered that she's the kind of shallow person that will probably tell you that even if you look like shit. just to make you like them. ppl tell me that she's nice... but i think that her way of being nice is just... fake. i never really talked to her when we were in class together... but still she acts like we're best friends when we meet on the street. i just can't cope with that. 

soooo.... on august 2nd i'll go to a goodbye and see you soon-party because my friend Cecius is moving. her dream is to save the world so she's taking some kind of course that teaches her... something about saving the world. i don't really know what it is. lol. i think it's a shame she'll move away but i can understand the need for her to do it. 

wow... gotta go now... my head is starting to hurt too now. i gotta go home and get some druuuugs. i need some pain killers though they don't really work. i just always try to believe they work... i want them to work... even if i have to force myself to believe they'll work so they'll become kind of a placebo drug. i don't know why i don't get anything out of taking pain killers. they've never worked. ever. a good sleep, some water and some food helps with headaches. not pills. if i have migraine i just sleep the whole day (cos then i'm very sensitive to light so i have to stay in bed with closed eyes... and then you just can't help sleeping a lot). 

perhaps i'll write something later today. or tomorrow when i've been at the bank at the meeting :S

two days ago i had the best workout EVER! i burned like.... 550calories on the cardio machines (in plural.... i also did some  work out on a stepping/running/something-machine that i stopped using really early on in "the history of getting Lene fit at the gym". i simply got too stubborn with it and kept working out like nuts even though i was on the brink of fainting.... but now i am doing it a bit again... just 10 minutes at the time. :) ) and i worked out hard for 55minutes. i was so happy afterwards i felt like laughing insanely the rest of the day. also there was a few long haired guys on the street smiling at me... *WOOHOO!* 

today i'm going to the gym again. i am so glad for my motto (that i got from the biggest loser): no bad excuses - bad excuses made you fat! it actually helps. :D

yesterday Satan wrote to me. we ended up text messaging for hours! it was so nice to hear from him again. he's just become single again so of course i'm interesting again. it's like that with almost all my male friends. i'm interesting when they are single. i don't hear from them when they are taken and when they are single again i am oh so interesting again. it's annoying. but i think it's different with Satan. we have long periods of time where we don't really talk much... and then at times we write every single day. he's busy with working/finding a job, band, friends..... etc. so i guess it's ok that i don't hear from him that much. i'd really like to see his band live one day. i also know the drummer of the band. he's really cute. really nice and not too ugly. :D but he's taken. some ppl even think he's married to his gf but i don't really know. his gf seems really nice, too, so it'd just be great if they were married. :) 
satan is kind of cool though he is kind of.... brutal at times. like yesterday, when we talked about him finding a good job, he said that he was thinking about going viking (he looks like one so why shouldn't he be one, right?) and if he did he'd come and fuck me till i bleed. it's.... brutal... but i know it was just for fun. if some stranger had told me this i'd be offended. really offended. Satan do offend me/make me a bit sad at times but i think he knows when he does that. early next month he'll come and drink beer and eat porridge with me :D i think we might also go to this pub where there are mainly old alcoholics coming. those ppl that start drinking by 8 am and go to pub at 9 am and then seem to be stuck there till at least 10 pm. every single day. it'll be.... interesting. 

my mom is sick these days. it's something with her lungs so some days (like today) she can hardly breathe... but she's getting medication to get well again.... it's just kind of worrying that she's has trouble breathing i think. 

i have started reading for my BA. like... really reading for it! it's cool. and really really interesting. i still think it's fantastic that the reason you are to hold a hand over your mouth when yawning didn't start out as a " you have to behave as a good person". it started as a way to protect you from getting possessed by the devil. LOL. they believed that when you yawned or sneezed the devil could take place in your body via your mouth/nose. when you held your hand over your mouth and nose the devil couldn't enter and you wouldn't get possessed. i like that idea so much. it's.... kind of sweet. i just don't know exactly how it turned into something "civilized" ppl do. perhaps ppl would freak out on your behalf if you didn't hold your hand over your mouth when yawning so it became polite to hold it over your mouth just so ppl wouldn't freak out? LOL

those last few days have been fine.  :) 

when i weighed myself yesterday morning i weighed only 92.9kg!!!!! i was so happy i almost cried. *yay* so i went to the gym to work out and use the positive energy i got from my weight loss and i worked out for 1 hour and 45 min :) 
30 min on bike: 14km and burnt 201kcal
1 hour working with my muscles 
15 min on the bike: 7 km and burnt 105kcal

i also got lots of stares and smiles from long haired guys on the street! 

but then... i bought a bag of chips. i ate the whole thing eventhough it made me feel so sick. :( but today i've done what i could to kind of detox myself again and i've eaten healthy. my smoothie today was ½ papaya (really good for digestion and metabolism), 1 apple (good for detox and digestion), strawberries and water. it was sooooooooo good! 

i hope that by tomorrow i will have lost the weight i gained by eating those chips. 

my plans for tomorrow is to eat healthy, go to the gym and try to stay happy and positive and NOT buy bad stuff again.