i skipped classes today... *woohoo!!!* so i could make this paper-thingy for InfoDok-class. it's made now and i thought that now i have time to do it i'd write down what i've eaten today. :)

breakfast at 11 am (yay!!! it's been so long since i had breakfast that late haha!): two buns with cheese and a cup of green tea

lunch at 1 pm: 1 slice of dark bread with chicken-sausage on and a cup of green tea

in between meal at 3 pm: a banana and one of the Halloween buns Marie Louise made for last Saturday. and a cup of camomille tea.

in between of these i've had about 5 pieces of candy and three cups of tea.

after i've written this entry i'll go and heat up my leftovers: rice and meat sauce with lots of onion and red pepper in and a little bit of low fat cheese on top and at least one cup of tea.

i might eat a few more pieces of candy later tonight and about 3 liters of tea :D it's pretty cold so tea makes me feel warm and comfy :)

i don't think this is a very common day for me meal-wise. but it's a day with meals so i thought i'd just write it in anyway. :D

---------UPDATE--------
wasn't able to eat a whole plate of dinner. i feel like i've eaten a whole cow and not just about 100grams of it (along with other things of course).

this morning i woke up because i got a message on my phone. i must say that i REALLY woke up when i read it. it was from my brother, Simon, who wrote me that i HAVE to take that talk with dad soon (the talk where i'm going to tell him that i can't stand his wife and eventhough i've tried my best for 20 years it's just not working for me) cos he (simon) can't take much more.

what in the world can drive a boy at the age of 15 to be so sad and frustrated? i was so shocked about it. he called me later today and sounded like he was almost crying when he told me that he is going to avoid coming home for some days now because it's become so terrible with our dad's wife. it's so terrible!!!!

so... i called my dad and asked if we could talk soon. i offered to come to his place monday or tuesday next week when i know he'll be alone at home but he said that he had thought about coming over to my place ( i think mainly to get that plant in my garden he wants so bad and i want to get rid of) by the end of this week. but he said we should talk about it later (later as in: later today). so i called him just now and he sounded like he just wanted to give up on me. he told me that he'll go to his dentist tomorrow and only after that he'll know when his next appointments are and then he'll be able to plan when to see me.

i fear that he's backing out...

but... Lars told me that he's free thursday night so i can come to his place and sleep *yay* but he's having a cold or something.... but he's never sick for so long so perhaps he'll be well by thursday :D

and... SIMON HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!! *yaaaay* that info totally saved my day!!! :D :D :D i know he's 15 and 15 year-olds do have gfs... but... to me Simon is still my little brother so... it's cuuuuuuuute that he's found himself a gf. :D

perhaps i'll update a little more later on tonight. but i'm not sure....

So... as you might remember the things with Kim have always been a BIT crappy... but now i just really really really had ENOUGH!!!

i wrote him thursday morning in order to find out if he could come to my Halloween party (which, btw, was WONDERFUL!!!!) and then i didn't hear from him until yesterday afternoon where he wrote me that he was together with julie again and she wouldn't let him go to my party because of me. that's ok... i didn't mind that. at all. haha. it's his crappy life, and not mine. but i would have liked it if he'd written this to me earlier.... like... thursday evening at the latest.

well... party came and went and then today julie called me on his phone and YELLED at me that i should leave kim alone and that he didn't want to have anything to do with me. at all. i told her i wanted him to tell me that and she said that he had tried but that he couldn't do it properly. then she went on with "leave him alone!!!" and stuff like that and then i noticed that her voice got more and more high pitched so i hung up on her before she totally exploded and i'd get angry at her. she refused to listen to anything i said anyway.

Now i'm sitting on my couch being pretty shaken. i am not sure if i'm supposed to be angry or reliefed. i am shocked. i have never been yelled at like that before. never ever! so.... i will let her have her will: i will never ever say another word with Kim again and i will not write him a single SMS again. i have had it. in a way i want to hit someone. but i think that i will just have to get my mind on something else than this.

it feels so heavy on me. *sigh*

listening to Johnny Cash helped a bit. but not enough. sadly.

how would you guys react on this?

i am not sure how to interpret this dream i had last night. it feels like it was kind of important -especially because there were things in it that seems to appear in my dreams at least once each month....

i dreamed that i was going to live for a year at this boardingschool (i often dream of taking another year at a boardingschool or even at the boardingschool i did go to when i was 16 years old. it's rarely taking place at the "real" boardingschool but it feels like it's the one i'm at still...) and i was sharing my room with one of the girls i did share my room with at the boardingschool i did attent in real life. the thing was that... in order to get to our room we had to go through this shower area (which was basically just a normal corridor but on the walls were shower heads) where the floor was always slippery because of the water. mo room mate never slipped in the floor but i did all the time. it was so funny and when i slipped i'd just stay on the floor and just slide all the way to my room. :D even when there was a railing i could hold on to, i'd fall.

the main area of the boardingschool was this HUGE building that had lots and lot of windows. there were grass instead of a floor and there were like tiny hills and stuff. at some point i got my hands on this white headband that, when i think about it, seemed like a headband for some japanese/korean martial arts-sport or something. but in my dream it was a headband that muslim suidecide bombers would wear. there were people from my first 6 years of elementary school and i talked with this guy from then, called Ezzas (i forgot how to spell his name, sorry), who's from Pakistan. his dad cam around and i had to run because i didn't want him to see this headband.

i ran to the shower-area so i could get to my room and then there was this guy who told me and my room mate that there was a shorter route to take to our rooms so we didn't have to go through the shower area all the time but he didn't seem like he wanted to tell us that way.

then i woke up.

i am wondering why i've so often dreamed about taking another year at a boardingschool. and i wonder why, in these dreams, there are always people present that i haven't seen since i was 12 years old.

well... on i go with writing this paper on how Persian material-culture had an impact on Greek elite-culture in the 6th and 5th century B.C. who ever said studying history at the university would be boring... *YAWN!!!!*

sorry for not posting for a long time... i hope you guys still want to know me. heh.

( Hmm... this entry got a bit long. so i put it here *clickie-de-click* )

not because i hate losing weight... but i hate hate hate when i gain.

i gained weight during my weightloss challenge so i ended up where i started: 87.3 kg. now i am really really really getting back on track (until saturday where the first movie club "meeting" is) and i am feeling good about that.

i got this cutting from a magazine about how to calculate how many calories you are to get if you want to maintain the weight you got and how many to get if you want to reach your desired weight. turns out i should eat 1560 calories (when i'm not working out) in order to reach 65kgs. so today i calculated how many calories are in my food. it's a normal day so it tells me how much i get in average (as i spend time at home alone a lot). so here's my calories:

breakfast
2 buns, 4 slices of cheese, a bit of butter: 383 calories

in between meal
1 banana: 93 calories

lunch
270g yoghurt, 40 grams Fiberkost: 200 calories

in between meal
1 small pack of raisins: 45 calories

dinner
2 pieces of fish, 135g rice (dry): 650 calories

i also drank 1 mug of green tea (am not sure how many calories that is) and some water. all in all (well without the calories in the tea...) that equals: 1371 calories if my pocket calculator is correct. haha.

i was (and still is) shocked! i was sure i got more calories than that!!! i was fearing that i got more like 2000 calories. but no. now i have to think about getting calories enough! christness!

it's been very up and down these last 2 weeks i think. down because i have fought to get my weight down again. and i have been fighting a lot with dealing with things that usually makes me snack in the evening. it's been hard but i am doing it! up because i AM getting my weight back down now. and that makes me feel good about myself. i tried on this dress the other day that i got years ago. it's very very pretty but it's also not looking good on me when i am this weight. but the last time i wore it i weighed 96kg so it looks much better on me now. :) it's still not good on me but it's better. :)

i'm sorry that this weight in got a bit crappy so it's not really accurate... i visited a friend yesterday and i slept at his place so i didn't get home to the weigh in until AFTER my breakfast and i was fully dressed when i weighed me too... so this week's weigh in is higher than last week:

87.1 kg.

this past week i've done a few weigh ins for fun, though and every time the scale showed 86.3kgs. so... i think that my "correct" weight is more like that.. hehe.

so.. this week's ups:
i am not really sure if there were any specific ups... hmm... got to think about this. hehe

this week's downs:
well... i ate icecream with my friend yesterday.
the fact that this weigh in is so inacurrate.

so... weird weight loss challenge-entry... but it has to do for now. hehe

and i don't seem to have any luck with google... so i'm asking here instead and hoping that someone can give me a good answer to this:

why is it that the first 100 days of an American president's administration is so important? i heard on the news when Obama was elected that it's aparently a tradition to look at the first 100 days and by looking at them you can get an idea about how the rest of the time the president has in office will be. but... where does that tradition come from?

i've just thought about this almost every time i've seen something on the news about Obama since he was elected... and i still haven't found an answer. it's getting annoying now not to know.

So... today is the day of the 2nd weigh in during my weight loss challenge. :) i will put most of this entry behind a cut just because... i feel like it. :D

well... last week i weighed 87.3kg. today i weighed 86.7 kg. it's a total loss of 600 grams.

it's ok. under the cut you'll see why :) of course i'd be more happy if i'd just lost 700grams *lol* but i can't get all i wish for. haha. but all in all i feel so good about this past week that i can't wait to see what my weight is next week. :)

( the rest of the weight-facts )

i feel so sick. i didn't want to eat anything for dinner because... i didn't feel like eating. but i did anyway because i have to eat in order to do a healthy weight loss, you know. so i did some rice and fish. was ok. if it wasn't for the fact that i had some extra rice when i had eaten the fish... and of course i ate them with cheese on.

and now i feel sick because i ate food. i make me feel sick. ew me.

i watched "it came from outer space" but that didn't help. in a way i just want to go to sleep and sleep until i feel better. i hope that the episode of ER that is coming on in a few minutes will be über icky and gross so i can at least focus on that. but right now... i just feel icky and gross about myself.

i lit a candle. it's VERY read and i actually love it. candles calms me. but doesn't make me feel less like vomiting.

i really really hope that i'll feel better tomorrow cos i'm meeting up with Alex and i don't want to make him to be sad because i feel like crap.

i think i hate hormones. and right now... i hate being in love.

SIGH!

Edit: just read online that the international word for it is: PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). yeah... read about it. seems that exercise CAN reduce the symptoms up to 80%.

so... my ex-bf Jan called me today asking if he can come and visit me next weekend. and of course he can. i might not love him anymore but he is still a great guy and he is so much fun and he's a total freak. :D well... he mentioned that his brother is VERY much into weird movies and horror movies so i took a look at his site at MySpace and... OOOOOHHHH!!!! i was so happy about his taste in movies :D

so i went on to do a little research on Midnight Movies and Video Nasties and i sooooooo want to make a movie club with some friends where we just watch fucked up movies like these. :D movies i especially want to see are from the Midnight Movies-genre, though: el topo, pink flamingos, eraserhead.

i already saw and LOVED Freaks. how can a movie from 1932 be so FUCKING GREAT!?!?!?!?!?

from the video Nasties i can mention movies like Evil Dead (it's a classic :D), the boogey man and cannibal holocaust (i admit that i will NEVER watch this movie again. it's too icky for me.).

it seems to me that the midnight movies are more... surreal and weird and the video nasties are slasher-splatter-violence-and-death-all-over-the-place movies.

well... i talked to this friend of mine about it and he seems to be ready to start a movie club with me. hehe. i did tell him, though, that movies with too much rape scenes are movies i'd like to NOT see. blood, torture, death and stuff like that is cool. but rape is not.

i'd just LOVE to have a movie club where you only watch weird and violent movies, drink some beer, eat pizza and is really in contact with your testosteron-side. :D

perhaps i can talk to some ppl at Rockstuen about this? I'm sure that there will be at least one or two of the pimple-faced 18-19 year old dudes there who'll also like to take part in this. haha. but i do hope for a more mature crowd to watch these movies with (=people from the age of about 23-35).

but all in all... OH MY GAY GOD! i already love midnight movies and video nasties *YAY!*

so... i felt a bit bored when i realized that i was running out of green tea and there was almost an hour until Løvbjerg closed... so i just took a little walk there :D i bought tea, a little bag of calorie-reduced Haribo and two scratch tickets (are they really called that in English? lol... well... gotta rely on my dictionary).

i know it's not that good with the Haribo... but i really really want to have something "bad" tonight. guess it's again something emotional attachment to foods-crap. but i think that it's not really that bad after all... it contains 230kcal per 100grams.. that's 110 less than normal ones. and.. this walk to Løvbjerg counts in my head as a little evening walk (it lasted about 25-30 min). and... i'm gonna drink a lot of green tea (well, at least 3 mugs).
so even though it's not a good thing, then i don't think it's the end of the world and badong, after all.

i don't think i'll win anything on the scratch tickets... but let's see... :D just the escitement of "i might have.." is so great :)

I'm a mod of this new weight loss community that i think is unique because... we talk kilograms and NOT pounds... :D personally i really missed this....


shed_kilograms

feel like i'm really really makng an effort about my weight loss and keeping the motivation alive :) *yay* for that

http://petairways.com/

how cute... an airline that only flies your pets around. AWWWW!!!! imagine my Birger flying first class HAHA!!!!




i am sure that he'd make the other pets insane with all his happy-noises :D

SO! today i did my weigh in and my starting weight is:

87.3kg

I'm not too happy about that because i've been 86.7 for so long. but oh well... then my goal weight will be 82.3kg. that's ok :)

this past week's ups:
that i could finally buy that Fiberkost again yesterday!!!
that i actually have bowel movements again.
that i joined this site! i now again have a place to just ramble on about my weight loss without having to worry if people get bored of it. lol

this past week's downs:
that i ate two bags of chips/crisps (am not sure what to call them? seems that it depends on where you are from in the world?) that i had after my birthday party 3 weeks ago. i thought i could stay away from them but no. *sigh*
that i got so damn frustrated about the lack of Fiberkost. and the physical feeling of not being able to go to the toilet so often. damn that.

so... this is my starting stats. i will NOT eat chips/crisps for a looooong while and i will do what i can to do at least a 30 min walk every day during the next week. that should make it possible for me to start achieving some of my rewards :D

Would anybody like to do a little weight loss challenge with me? i'm thinking that it's 6 weeks until the university starts (at least for me) so i would like to give it a big try with my weight loss until then. so... i'd like to do a weight loss challenge starting tomorrow:

-decide a goal for these six weeks
-write your weekly weigh ins
-write your week's ups and downs
-if you have a reward list, write down what rewards you acheived

my goal for the 6 weeks is to lose 5kg (11 lbs). i know this is a lot in only 6 weeks but i need something "drastic" to happen with my weight loss-motivation after these last weeks of not losing any weight at all (i couldn't buy the Fiberkost but i have it now. i wrote about this in an earlier post). i don't want to starve myself or anything -i just want to be motivated to eat healthy, work out a bit more than i do now and lose weight.

so... anybody interested?

i just won an auction at this Danish auction site :) look what i won:




ain't it cuuuuuuuute? *woohoo!!*

oh.. and about my weight loss. for a while i couldn't buy this Fiberkost that i usually eat which meant that i couldn't get the bowel movements started which again meant that my weight stood still for a few weeks there. but i bought two pacs of Fiberkost today (yay) and guess where i'll go after i've posted this entry? :D :D :D :D

i hope that my weigh in tomorrow will be.. well just 100 grams under 86.7kg LOL. cos i'm sick and tired of seing 86.7kg on the scale. i want smaller numbers from now on! *demanding*

oh... GOTTA GO!!!

i want to do new swaps where i send out envelopes from letter sets/diddl stuff and i get stationery sheets/ stickers/ pens in return. but i just did some not too long ago and i haven't gotten anything in return for what i sent out... :S

so i am not really sure when i'll do this again. but i have so many envelopes.... and a big pile of diddl that i don't want anymore... so... what to do? should i just make swaps and not expect anything in return? or should i..eehhmm... keep letting the stuff collect dust on the shelves...? i could really use the space for something else... but... i think it's a waste of money to send out things and not get anything in return.

big sigh of boredom and a bit of lack of trust in humans. i guess.

my throat is a bit sore so i will make me some nice green tea :D

so today i signed up for 4 of the 5 classes i'm going to have in the Autumn. i am NOT looking forward to the Wednesdays. they will be pure hell on earth. my program for Wednesdays will be like this:

6-6.30 am: waking up, getting ready to get out of my house
7.15 am: taking the first of the two busses to the university
7.45-7.50 am: arriving at the university
8-10 am: class
--->10am-2pm: break!!! i have talked with Marie Louise from class about doing homework together during this break <---
2-5pm: class
6pm: finally home again
6.05pm: dying on the couch

it will be really hard i think! but i am glad that i am already preparing mentally for that long break. in a way it feels good to have an excuse to do homework at the uni so i don't have to do them at home. LOL. but all in all i'm pretty freaked out about this whole day.

i'll have classes for 2 hours on mondays, 3 hours on tuesdays, 5 hours (+4 hours break) on wednesdays and 2 hours on thursdays. i have fridays off. i think it's gonna be a pretty hard semester but i hope that the break from hell on wednesdays will help a bit so i don't have to study so much at home. it's really hard to get yourself to study at home, don't you think? you get all these ideas about... oh, i got lots of dishes to do!, perhaps i should wash some laundry?, hmm.. i don't remember the last time i've vacuum cleaned.. i think i'll do that now!.... and so on... hehe. but i'm a bit worried about the stress level i'll have... i hope i won't get stressed about worrying about stress that might not even come. LOL.

so... i have to do lots of anti-stress things this summer so that i won't be so affected during next semester. i think that at least two of the classes i'll take might not require much studying... i just have to see what time brings. and i need to prepare mentally for those wednesdays! i think that if i get the stress level down now it'll be harder to get so high again as it was this spring. and i am more aware of listening to my body now than i was before. so... it'll be ok. i hope. *SIGH!!!*

...today i actually did something that weren't about relaxing and getting rid of stress: i did the laundry LOL

i want to practise a little bit of German and so i tried to create a German sentense that i hope will not be too filled with flaws :D if you can see any flaws, please tell me what it is. :) i'm still shy about my German skills and i don't think that will change until i start to really use German again. i would really love to feel at least somewhat "safe" in the German language, you know? well... here's my sentense:

Morgen wolle ich neue dänisch-deutsch/deutsch-dänisch Wörterbucher kaufen, weil sie (dass?) ich habe sehr alte sind.

yeah... still working on basic stuff... i hope it made sense?

i'm planning on doing a lot of grocery shopping tomorrow as i've got like NOTHING in the house anymore. i spent two weeks with almost only staying at home so i ate almost all the food i had. i have a route planned too LOL. i have 6 places to go to... it'll be a whole-day show :D

have nothing else to say...

i feel so restless because i have replied to all the letters that i got. i am in a HUGE letter writing mood... but i have no letters to write. *sigh* it's annoying. in a way i want to actively go and search for more penpals just because i feel so restless right now... but i know that when uni starts i'll feel that i have enough penpals because it gets harder to keep up due to homework and stuff like that. i'm still open to penpals if they ask me if we can be penpals but i think it's best if i don't write people asking them to be my new penpal because then i think it will look like i have more time for penpalling than i actually feel i have. normally. but right now i have all the time in the world. and my mail box is so empty...

tomorrow I'll go out with my friend, Cecius, that i've known since boardingschool :) haven't seen her for a while and she just got a job that she'll start tomorrow. i think we'll go to Rockstuen (the metal pub) and i gotta remember to bring on an extra t shirt... just in case some of the nut cases that are angry at me are there and decides to pour beer over me. i doubt that anybody would really do that... but when i call these people nut cases it's because they really are. one of them have been admitted to a mental hospital SEVERAL times and two of them SHOULD be on meds but i guess they hide their crappiness too well from the doctors. so... i think that for a while i'll have to expect the worst and hope for the best when i go to Rockstuen.

wrote some text messages with Michael today. i don't know how he does it, but that man just make me so happy. :D of course i got all insecure about scaring him away and stuff (i'm so afraid that i will be too much, too overwhelming, demanding too much of him, asking him to meet me too often and so on...) and we talked a bit about that. i told him that i am afraid if i will scare him away because i think that he's a very important friend to me. he said that i should not worry about that. and that i should remember that it was not me that "scared" me out of his life the last time (referring to Martine). actually, writing with him today made me aware of how insecure i feel lately, socially. i don't know how he does these things, but he makes me see things clear sometimes. like... he just says the right words so i become more aware of what i feel and think.
so... i decided that after i've finished the book about Vikings in England, i'll read the book about how to find balance/peace/security with your personal self and spiritual self via some inka-wisdom. it's one of the books i'll do a review of for the bookclub-magazine :) i hope that this book will help me getting some insight with myself and my... eehhmm.. spiritual skills.

i am slowly feeling like i'm becoming more and more "naked" to myself... i don't learn about myself yet, i just reveal more and more about me which i'm exploring. only when i feel ready i'll stop exploring and start learning about myself. i finally feel that i will become a very strong person some day.

today it suddenly begun to rain and thunder a lot. i really enjoyed it. i watched it till the end. it stopped very suddenly and abrupt. i just love that when that happens: it rains so much that you can hardly see more than a few meters in front of you and then BAM it stops. it's such an incredible sight :) i remember the first time i experienced that. i was in the 2nd grade in elementary school and it was during recess. i was looking at all the children and the raining in the school yard when suddenly BAM it stopped raining. i was really amazed by that and i guess that's why i still remember it.

it feels like there's some more thunder on the way... i feel so icky and hot. so... i can't wait for my shower in the morning :D



i feel soooo sophisticated, thoughtful and wise *lol*

is it just me or does armpits tend to smell like sweat when you've shaved them? *ew* and *icky*

well... yesterday i relaxed and did nothing except writing letters. i wrote 4 letters and after i'd finished the last one i felt like... writing another. LOL. but i had no letters to reply to so... i didn't write anymore.

today i've sent the letters and i've read in the "Vikin age England" book. Oh how i just loooooove that book!!! i am excited about what is written in the book and i'm excited about all the references to other books. i'm just totally excited about the book :D
i had this very very sexual dream about Lars... we were like bunnies until he got some blue icing on his hand and accidently got some of it onto my face. when that happened he just refused fucking anymore. LOL. i wonder what that means. i don't really want to look it up... guess i'm scared that it means something creepy. LOOOL

last night i thought that for fun i'd go and have some free tarot readings online. it was fun. i think that i am now more aware of the circumstances about the whole "secret crush"-thing. :D i don't really believe in the online readings. but i think that they still opened my eyes a bit.

am dl'ing and listening to lots of music again. seems like all the bands i got yesterday (except two i think) were just crap. hardcore, weird punk, men growling really really bad, bands that sounded almost confused together. i hope that what i get today is better.

yesterday michael told me that he has gotten some problems with the student loan and there are other problems as well. so i told him that if he wanted to he could come and stay here fo a few days. then he won't have to think so much about buying food and so on and he should be able to feel a bit more relaxed being away from the problems his home probably keeps reminding him that he has. i am really hoping he'll open more up towards me and i hope that we'll have some great and long talks. :)

this week i'll relax. and perhaps tidy up things a bit. i am planning to go to the gym tomorrow and stop the month card i have there and get a 10-times card instead.

birger is so much more brave these days. he is poking my finger at least one time each day now. it's SO cute (which i'm sure only i think... he's my tiny baby and he's cute in everything he does LOL).

the re-exam will be in the last week of August.

wow... they just discovered this huge sacrificial grave (is that the correct word?) from about 50 a.d. with ca. 200 warriors. they think that the warriors lost a battle and was then sacrificed in this moor-area. how EXCITING!!!!! *yayness* for archaeology in Denmark *woohoo!!!*

I failed the oral exam so i'll have the re-exam in August. it's ok. i knew i was totally messing up and i am very aware of what i did wrong and i'll work on that :) so no problems.
I was really really really worried if i'd fail the paper that i wrote about Protestantic Ethics and the Spirit of Capitalism. i was actually pretty sure that i'd failed it cos i did so many small mistakes and i only read like... 1/3 of the pensum. but... i got a 4!!! that's a D i think. i was hoping that i'd just get right over the failed-line and get a "small" 02 but no.. i got a 4!!! so i won't have to re-do the paper from hell *yay*

the party i had yesterday was so great! Marie Louise went home at 22 pm but that was ok cos Lars and Michael and I stayed up till 3 am and talked and had beer and just hung out. :D it was really nice. Marie Louise got me this cute plant (she didn't know what to give me and she refused to not give me anything.. LOL), Lars got me a gift voucher for Matas (i don't know if it excists anywhere else but it's a place where you can get lotions, perfume, teas... all kinds of wellness things and stuff like that) and Michael got me a bottle of vodka :D it was pretty nice! i don't want to drink the vodka until i'm done with my weightloss so... i'll let it be a motivation-thing. :D

tomorrow i'll go to the dentist and after that i'm going to my mom's and i'll be there until monday. it'll be nice :) but because of this i'll not do my weekly weigh in this week: i've not been so good to my diet and if i weigh myself at my mom's her scale will show something else than mine, i'm sure. so... i'll wait till next week with that. :)

oh.. did i mention that i'm going to do some reviews on books about spiritual/alternative things and tarot cards? I'm gonna do it for this magazine for clubmembers of a book club. it'll only be max. 8 sentenses for each review... but it'll be published next to my picture and everything :) I'm pretty excited about that!!!

so.. that's the recent news from me :)

ok... i WANT some Sheepworld stationery. i love love love love sheepworld! but it's like... impossible to find sheepworld notepads in Denmark. i found this site where some private person is selling sheets from Sheepworld notepads. HAD to write him/her to ask if he/she sells whole notepads as well. i HOPE HOPE HOPE that i will get to Flensburg this summer and that i'll find some sheepworld pads there. i felt SO lucky in Hungary when i found Sheepworld notepads. well.. there was only one kind but i bought two of them!

i can't think that i'll ever get tired of Sheepworld. and i HATE that they are so uncommon in Denmark.

gotta go to bed now. have an exam tomorrow, you know.

oh.. gotta say something before i go: i think that this guy at blackmarket.dk is flirting with me!?!?!? *yay* i think. i am not sure, though. he seems a bit... well i don't know: he's a Satanist and has moved from the center of Zealand (which is the area that my ex who did necromantic stuff lived...) to Sønderborg (my mom used to live there and she has told me that i should seriously NEVER get romantically involved with ANYBODY from Sønderborg. people from Sønderborg are mental cases, aparently. well... in that case i have insane family (my grand dad and his family lives there LOL)so i guess my email fits: lene_is_insane).
I know it's wrong to judge people because of their religious beliefs... but i can't really take Satanism serious... it's created by Christians in the Middle Ages and has been shaped since then by mentally ultra-unstable men. LOL. i mean.. i like some of the "mind sets" in the "religion"... but... most of it is just fake, if you ask me.

reminds me of a song by Aeon called Satanic Victory where they sing about masturbating on ppl's graves. *giggling* so... masturbating on graves is a Satanic deed? GREATNESS! i read that John Lennon wasn't shy of fucking his gfs on gravestones when he was young.. so... he's a Satanist too? AWESOME *YAY!!!*

*sigh* i think i need a bf... and just to let you know.. i haven't had sex for almost 4 months. i am re-virginizing!!! *argh!!!* *panic*

and weight wise i'm doing GREAT! i am now weighing 86.1 kg. Haven't weighed to little since... 3 or 4 years ago!!! so *WOOHOO-ness* on me :D

does it show that i'm beyond the point of being tired? well.... NOW i will go to bed.

*good night*

after having the worst day ever yesterday.... i had a GREAT day today!

i felt like weighing myself this morning... just for fun.... and i was really really surprised! i weighed 86.8kg (which is the lowest i've weighed since i started on my diet, so YAY ME!!!!)!!! now i just have to stay ON TRACK!!! i have been without chips and popcorn for about two weeks now and i think that this is why i am finally losing weight again. so i got to keep on not eating these things. i can't wait to get below 80kg and swear to myself never to get over 80kg again. :D i did it when i got under 90kg and i think it worked out pretty well. as far as i remember i never got over 90kg again :) so i will do the same when i get under 80.

as if that wasn't enough... i went to my first oral exam and i got a 7 (which is a C in the international (european?) scale). i honestly don't think that i ever got so good a grade while being at the uni. so... YAY for that too!!!!
The subject was European history from 1650 and till now. the question i got was to explain the causes for the 2nd world war. i am SO happy that i didn't get some question about agriculture or finansial stuff. cos... i just don't get these things. haha.

so... from tonight on i'll study for my next and final exam (unless i failed one or both of the written ones... cos then i'll have to re-do them in August and i won't have the bachelor's degree until i pass them all) :) that exam is about european history from the ancient Greeks and up till 1650. i think that i want to have a question in something from the Middle Ages as i really hate the ancient Greeks and Romans and the time after the Middle Ages are just boring. LOL. so.. Middle Ages for me, please. :)

i just really felt a need to type in my food diary for yesterday and today before i go to bed :)

Yesterday
breakfast:
2 buns with cheese and a cup of tea

in between meal:
1 bowl of yoghurt with Fiberkost and a cup of tea

Lunch:
1 apple and a cup of tea

dinner:
3 tuna meatballs and wholegrain pasta and a cup of tea

late night:
1½ cup of Koldskål

Today
Breakfast:
2 buns with cheese and ½ liter of water

in between meal:
2 tuna meat balls

lunch
2 slices of dark bread with tomato/mackerel and ½ liter of water

Dinner:
a microwave meal (don't worry... it only contains 115 calories per 100gram :D), 1 apple and ½ liter of water.

late night:
2 cups of tea

And now i'm going to bed!!! *goodnight to you all*

i was pretty much not myself yesterday after all that crap with Kim and Julie. so i only just barely wrote down what i ate. not writing anything about time or how much i ate... i still feel pretty weird about the whole thing and i feel like i should just prepare to be a hermit when i'm done at the uni. i feel like... i just don't really fit in with other people.. i mean... i do have a few "real life" friends that i get along with very well and that i've never been angry at or anything. but besides that i feel more and more awkward when i hang out with people or go to the metal pub. like i'm just not compatible with humans?
my whole day yesterday just kind of overwhelmed me with this feeling that i should just aim for a hermit life... perhaps it'll change again some time... but for the moment i think i'm back to where i was in january/february... feeling really really insecure about humans.

well... i just need to focus on my exam and i do that as well as i can. i'm having daily headaches again (which i also had when the stress started in february/march)so i have my naps. perhaps that's also because i have menstruation this week... either way... my mom is sending me some no-stress music so i can listen to that when i type in my exam-notes. i heard that it's supposed to help and my mom claims it has helped her a few times... so it's worth a try, i think. i am actually pretty happy now that i asked my penpals to wait with their letters to me to after my exams. i got one letter yesterday, but that's fine :) but... i'd get seriously stressed out if i had a pile with over 5 letters already. hehe.

( food )

today is election day for the european parliament and this other law about the royal family and if it should be ok for girls to inherit the danish throne if they are the first born even if they have smaller brothers. equality between the sexes or not. :D so i spent one hour of walking today. first i walked to the place where i was to vote and then i went to Netto (i know that at least some of you know Netto) and i bought strawberries and some koldskål (i don't know if you have an english word for it... but it's a bit like milk, just a little bit thicker (probably because of the eggs that is mixed in) and it has lemon and sometimes also vanilla-taste to it). i want to have koldskål with strawberries in as my evening snack as i watch the election-programs on TV :) i haven't tried it before but i hope that it will be sweet and fresh to my taste buds :D

( food diary )

i started on a food-diary today wherein i note all my meals (what i ate and when), what i drink, when i get up and go to bed, if i do naps and what i did as exercise. so here's the food i ate today:

( Read more... )

when i weighed myself this morning i was both sad and happy. i had gained 600 grams since last week which is bad, but i honestly thought i'd gained at least 1 kg, so it was not really THAT bad after all. so... i now weigh 88.7 kg. *sigh*

i decided that after i've finished this bag of corn that i make popcorn from then i won't eat any potato chips or popcorn until after my birthday at the earliest. i have eaten these things WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much lately... bad excuses being like: now you have an exam-then it's ok to get a bag of chips or now you are done with your exam-then it's ok to get a bag of chips. i need to put into mind what some woman on the biggest loser once said (though she only talked about work outs...): there's no room for bad excuses as they are the ones that made you fat.
i think that applies to my bad eating habits as well. i also need to drink more tea and water again. am not sure if eating the rest of the popcorn is a bad excuse... i just know that i will feel really relly bad if i just throw them out in the garbage, i feel like that with all food. i even have some cheese of a kind that i really hate so i don't eat it and i just keep it in the fridge till i find someone who'll have it or it's gotten too old. i'm like that with the popcorn as well. and i know from experience that i cannot let popcorn and potato chips just be hidden away somewhere in the kitchen. cos i know it's there and it's like a worm wiggling about in the back of my head until i eat some of it. i can try to refuse this craving... but then, by ten-eleven pm i'm feeling so messed up about it that i am almost crying. it's nuts that i feel like this when i have those "foods" in the house cos i don't feel it when i don't have them.

on other things. i just finished what i had to read about the history of Denmark from 1900-2000 for my exam on the 17th or the 18th. i feel like i've really accomplished something by doing this LOL. now i just need to read what i missed or skipped for 6 classes of that subject, Europe in the World 2. i am not sure how many pages that will be. but i'll read as many as possible until monday where i'll start getting a good overview of my notes (typing them into the computer and then later on i'll print them out and use as prep-notes for my exam).

I think that it might be because it's only a month till the summer vacation starts.... but recently i have LOADS of plans for parties and other kinds of activies that i want to come true within the next year.

so... in order to make this entry seem not encredibly long and overwhelming (damn i use that word a lot these days... Freud, are you there?) i'll put the plans under a LJ-cut:

( plans )

i might just be too demanding and everything... but... why aren't anybody commenting on my entries? are they so long that ppl just give up reading them?

well... i just spent an hour in my garden and i am just getting rid of EVERYTHING there except the dirt and my lavendar. everything else has to go and then I'll start from scratch this autumn or next spring. depends on how far i get this summer with clearing the garden totally. hehe.
some of the bushes have grown into being like small trees which are hell to get out of the ground when you don't have some great manly tools. hehe. but i am working my butt off out there (so it's ok that i don't get to the gym so often... i simply work out with gardening. LOL)and i can really see the progress. :) some of the overgrown bushes has grown outside my fence, and the fence being of pretty cheap quality will not last for a long time of branches and bushes growing through it so it's good that i get it cleared out!!!

i need some stuff to get rid of the ants. cos i got a LOT of them. i don't want to totally wipe out the ant population in my garden. i just don't want them invading my terrasse and i don't want them to live too close to my house... i know this sounds like i don't like ants. but i do. it's just that ants can get into my house when the doors are closed and i don't want to have ants in my livingroom or my bedroom for that matter. and the ants on my terrasse... well... i don't want to have ants crawling all over me if i sit out there for a long time. haha.

i think it's pretty exciting to see how well i actually get the garden cleared... some of the plants and flowers and bushes hav overgrown so much that they are almost impossible to move. so i can only hope that i got it all, you know? hehe.

i really feel that eventhough i am killing the plants by taking them out of the dirt and into big black bags i am in good contact with nature when i'm out there in my garden. i like getting my hands dirty and i like to save the beetles and worms from getting into the bags just in the last minute (yeah, i feel that i'm saving lifes. LOL) and i like to see that my garden is getting less and less overwhelming to look at :) if only i could have some help from, let's say.... MY DAD! but oooooh no. his wife doesn't want them to help me (she's always walking in his foot prints when he's out here... strange bitch, if you ask me) but she has no problems laughing at my garden because it's so unorganized. she has no problems with telling me i need to get something done with the garden. but when i tell her that i need help to do that she shuts up and looks at me in that way that tells you "well, you are NOT going to ask me!" and then if i keep talking about me needing hepl with the garden then she tells me that my dad doesn't have time to come and help me all the time. that he has a life on his own. well.. i'm not asking him to come here for days and days... i'm asking for a few hours with my dad. a few hours with hard work and quality time. but it seems that i am doing ok without their help after all. it just takes more time and i have more pain in my muscles afterwards than i would have if i got help from someone.

I really hope that "Ønskehaven" (a garden-tv show where people get the garden they wish for and that my mom contacted after she got home from her visit) will come and get me the best garden i could ever dream of: lots of herbs to use in food and teas and other things that can help you get well if you are ill in any way. lots of pretty flowers that i can use in bouquets and that i can dry and also use in herbal medication. and then i want vegetables and other things i can eat: carrots, strawberries, onions, carrots... stuff like that. if i could get these things in my garden i would be SO happy! and i think i need to find a good spot for Birger to be placed when he's outside in his cage. as it is right now i take his chair out and put it on the terrasse and then i place him on it. but it'd be nice to have a place for him that was out there all the time so i didn't have to move that goddamn chair around so much. perhaps a little air tight box where i could keep my smaller gardening tools and then Birger could be on top of the box?

i think the biggest project in my garden is to get rid of my tree. you know i love trees so much... but the tree in my garden is too big (both height-wise and wide-wise) to my garden, i think. perhaps if i got rid of that tree i could get a nice apple tree instead? they aren't so big and apples are useful :) i think i'd want either golde delicious-apples or royal gale-apples if i ever got an apple tree.

perhaps i should join a gardening community when my garden is cleared so i can get some ideas as to what i should get. and a herbal community as well!

*headbanging to Flat Beat*

so... i handed in the paper on friday and since then i just got more and more scared that i made mistakes that will make me fail. i prayed to Odin to give me some wisdom in order to pass the exam but what the hell does that help if i made other kinds of mistakes? i just have to wait 3 weeks to get the grade.... OH MY GAY GOD!!! i'm not sure how the waiting time will be... :S

tuesday-thursday is the next exam. also a paper to write but this time it's only going to be 3-5 pages long. so that's not so bad. last semester i passed a similar paper in that subject without ever being to the class or reading any homework for it. this semester i've been to about halft the classes i'd say and i read a few texts.... so i am optimistic!!! :)

so until then i have free time... and i am currently spending it on studying for the first oral exam i have (on the 17th or 18th). I get through the texts easier because i think of it as something "fun" to do... i don't HAVE to do it until after the exam next week.

diet-/weight wise this week has been a rollercoaster... i gained 1½ kg so at my weigh in on friday i weighed 99.1 kg. the friday before i "only" weighed 87.6. but now i'm back to 87.6. i know i should not weigh myself so often but i have to if i am to keep my motivation to eat well up. i did try to not weigh myself more than once per week but that made me not care too much about what i ate because i kept thinking that it'd only hurt on friday so i still had some days to go and then suddenly it'd be friday and i'd have gained weight. when i weigh myself 2-3 times a week (i only count the friday weigh-in as the real one. it's the friday weigh that counts) i keep in mind that i have to eat healthy food. and a good weigh in also makes me so happy and full of energy that i have to dance and sing and (if i'm outside) walk fast. so... it's all good i think.
as some of you might remember i had this huge fear in the autumn that i could get an eating disorder. i think it was the shock of suddenly being so damn aware of what i eat and what my food contains of calories and so on. the fear still pops up from time to time but it only lasts for maximum 1 day. so it's going much better with that. i also think that one of the things that really assures me that i will not get an eating disorder is that i simply will NOT let myself weigh less than 65 kg and i am very aware that my goal is to be just somewhere between 65-70 kg. and i've also made it very very clear for my mom that i will not ever weigh less than 65 kg so she knows that if i get under that weight she has to be really aware about what i do.
when i weighed 70kg i was still a little chubby but it was not much. my ideal weight is 68kg so.... i think that 65-70 kg will be good for me, you know?

oh... i realized that i can wear medium shirts!!! for a long time i didn't dare to do that because i was big and the shirts and tops would be too tight if they were a size medium. But i am a medium girl with the shirts and tops again *YAY!* so friday after i handed in the paper, me and Marie Louise went to H&M and i bought a black top and a black fishnet-tanktop both size medium. my ass is still a big size xl or something like that. i'm happy that i'm pear-shaped but seriously... it's pretty much. from head to navel i'm actually slim enough but from navel to feel it's just... KA-BOOM!!!!... big. when i gain weight i think it's like... 80% under the navel and 20% over it. something like that, at least.
on the other hand i hope that when i lose weight it'll be 80% under the navel and 20% over it. hehe. there has to be a balance in the unbalance. LOL. as i said... i'm happy that i'm pear-shaped... but i'm not happy that it's so much that i feel my body is un-proportional so much. i am sure that it's because of my shape that i haven't gotten diabetes type 2 or something creepy like that. if i was apple-shaped i probably would have gotten it. :S i am really healthy actually... my doctor has had me through health tests twice now and both times he saw no warning signs of anything except that i was overweight.

i still sometimes get overwhelmed by this feeling of being incredibly alone with losing weight as if i'm the only person in the world trying to lose weight, you know? i mean.. i get support every now and then both here and from my mom and my friends... but that support is mainly expressed via text messages or comments here. i'd just LOVE it if one of my friends asked me if i'd come over and have dinner at his/her place and we'd eat something that was not "violating" my diet. or if someone would just... i don't know. i would just really love some real physical support. i'd just love it if Kim would start losing weight as well cos then we could do it together. i am not sure if this is selfish of me to wish for.

i've seen the first 4 episode of the Thunderbirds!!!! I just LOOOOOOOOVE it! i can't believe that i haven't seen it for so many years. my mom is also nuts about the Thunderbirds. it's really been a revival LOL. i will now go and see if there is any stationery with the Thunderbirds and if there is i'll see if i have money to get it. I'd LOOOOOVE letter sets or notepads with the series!!!! if anyone has ever seen any Thunderbird notepads or letter sets please let me know, ok? :)
The Thunderbirds are GO!

first i put all the onion and the red peppar (with a tiny bit of oil) onto the pan:



then i put the meat in after a minute or two and fry it all:



and then i put it in a little bowl. rice in the bottom and the meat stuff on top:




it is kind of a wok-thing just without the wok, i think. haha. and it's up to you how healhty you want it to be. i try to keep it pretty healthy.... low fat meat and as much vegetables i think i can eat. hehe. and on top of all this i am drinking green tea without honey in it (i used to put honey in my tea but i don't think there's a need in this kind). green tea is gooooood!!! :)

yayness on how i feel pretty and i can't help but to look in the mirror and getting all excited about how i just feel great weight/size wise today and i look myself in the eyes and tell me that i can't wait to reach 80 kg (that's just about 7.5kg from now but i could be wrong as the period messes with my weight a bit) and i do a little happy dance. haha. i just feel so good about myself today even though i still have some pain because of the menstruation....

i bought the Thunderbirds dvd-box for my mom today. so now she can die happy, so to speak haha

and i am finally getting my blanket and my green foot washed. the blanket is what i almost always sit under when i'm sitting on my couch and the green foot is this anti-slippery thing i have on the floor in the bathroom hehe. i really really needed to wash both items... and i FINALLY got the stuff in a washing machine hehe.

when it's done i'll hang it up outside to dry in the wind. and when it's out there i can go and do a little gardening as well. you can't really see that just a month ago i got rid of 2 huge black bags of weeds and stuff that just got too overwhelming in the garden. it's all grown over again. how in the world can there be so many seeds in such a small garden. it seems that no matter how much i take up from the ground there's always new plants and flowers waiting to get sun and rain to grow from the spot i just cleared. i am seriously thinking about just clearing the whole garden and then start all over again... oooohhh... i'll have to take my mom into councelling with this, i think. i'm still 100% new to all the gardening stuff so i don't know what's best. and i don't want to ask my dad.

oh... did i tell you guys that on thursday i'm going to my grandmom's birthday? she'll be 92 years old. HAHA!!! i am planning to get as old as her if not older. i mean... why not? she still hangs out with her girl friends and they drive to all places in denmark in the summers and have a good time. 8 years ago my grandmom broke her neck from falling and she didn't mind that much but she got admitted to the hospital and was there for a while. she still has her driver's license. she almost gets offended if you are her guest and you do not drink at least one beer. haha. i think it was last year that my dad's brother and my aunt got my grandmom so drunk in whiskey that they had to let her sleep on their couch haha.
if that's not a cool grandmom i don't know what is. i want to be as active (or more) as she is when i get 92.

today i bought 2kg of cow meat so now i can make lots of my yummy "meat sauce without the sauce"!!! ½ kg of meat, lots of onion, lots of red peppar and tons of curry and i have dinner for 2-3 days. so it was a good buy, i think. usually ½ kg of cow meat costs about 25-30 kroner but i gave 80kroner for 2 kg so that's only 20 kroner per ½ kg. :D i seriously feel like i just bought food for a month... hehe.

and i only have three letters to reply to now. *yay* the last one i have in the pile is to Anna and she's not home for months yet, so i have some awesome ideas about that letter. hehe. i feel so happy about all the letters i'm writing these days. and they all seems to be longer than usual. guess i have a lot to say, huh? :)

i'm really happy that i seem to be more active here at LJ again :)

I'd live in the viking age as a hermit-priestess in the woods somewhere. i'd be that crazy lady who speaks with the animals and listen to the winds. :)

today i had HUGE pains because of my menstruation. OH MY GAY GOD it was crazy. i couldn't sit down at all and honestly... waiting for the doctor to calling me in so he could cut off this mole i had (yeah.. it's gone now) on my right arm didn't help much. the thought of somebody cutting my arm is NOT good... luckily the whole cutting-thing was fast. :)
oh yeah...my body temperature is also hell.... i mainly freeze so much that i shake all over my body and i feel that cold you feel when you just get out of the shower... :S

i think it must be because of my menstruation that i have lost 1.4kg since friday... LOL. i am still a bit obsessed with weighing myself but i still only let the friday-weigh in be the "real" one. i try to only weigh myself on mondays and fridays and it's going pretty well, actually.
i was feeling like a whale when i woke up today so i thought that i might have gained weight since friday but no... haha. but as i said before... i'm sure it's because of the menstruation. my mom usually gains weight when she has hers but perhaps i just lose weight with mine.

the greatest thing EVER that happened to me today: i found the dvd-box with The Thunderbirds -series and i only had to pay 60 kroner for it!!! that's $ 10.93, £ 7.24, euro 8.05. it's the puppet-series from '65. I saw it when i was a little girl (it was a re-run LOL) and i just loved loved loved it!!!!!
the guy in the shop that sold the dvd-box to me seemed to be surprised that i'd want that on dvd... he called it an "old thing" and he gave his co-workers weird looks and he gave me this weird grin when i said that now i know what to do on Sunday. stupid man.
I promised my mom to go and see if i can find a Thunderbirds-box for her as well. the weird thing is that my dad claims to have no clue whatsoever as to WHAT the Thunderbirds-series is. he says he's never even heard about it. i am seriously shocked about that!!!! but i LOOOOOOOVE my dvd-box... it's the first dvd-box i ever bought. so now i just want:
will and grace
futurama
the akira kurosawa box
shogun
when i have these i think my dvd-box needs are pretty much fulfilled :D

i was SO sure that karina's birthday party was today!!! so i got all dressed up and got in my dancing-party mood... and found out that it's tomorrow...

my studying for the classes at the uni fucks up my days... and the worst thing is that i am SURE i'll get picked on tomorrow about this... *sigh*

I'm so angry with Ricky right now... i can hardly put words to it. But here it is:

i am so angry that he's angry (or whatever is going on) with me when i'm the one who's supposed to be the angry one.
wrote him on MSN and asked if he still had some of my dvds... he replied an hour later with "i'll send them to you soon".... and then he just went offline!

i got to go the uni asap tomorrow morning so i don't sit at home and think too much about this.... i think i need people around me so i don't go nuts in a rage and tear up my house... *grrrr*

all this just made my PMS sooooo much more crazy!!!

this is when i work (notice the hair is not loose...)



this is when i party (notice the hair is loose...)

YAY!
met a guy on myspace who introduced me to www.brothers-of-beer.com and i hope to get lots of friends there! it's for beer drinking metalheads (i guess this is the group they are reaching out to as there are only three music fora: metal music, beer and folk music and other music LOL).

Join join join join... :D (if you are a metalhead and love beer...)

so.. he's asked me if i want to come and see his band practise. sounds like nothing has changed in the friendship and i'm SO happy about that! :)

oh.. another thing.. i thought i'd just try on my grey dress that i haven't tried on since i was 92kg. that's the limit for me to wear it. if i'm over 92kg i can't fit in it. so i have it on now and.. it fits me better than ever! only problem is that my breasts are not a bit too small to keep up the dress... so i gotta find a corsage or something to have on on top of the dress. it'll not be too hard to find i think..




the back used to be like a big bump because my ass would push it upwarts so my back looked like a "s" lol. but not anymore. YAY!

so as i wrote in a comment i wrote satan last night and told him about my feelings. the next few text messages went like this:
Him: you are? hehe. it's fine you tell me, i think, it's good to know how you are with things :) and it definetly does not ruin our friendship

Me: well i just "struggle" with this at the moment. perhaps because i care so much about you and our friendship. I feel like there's not far between my friendship feelings and these "extra" ones.

Him: i al definetly also very happy for our friendship and i don't think it'll get ruined because one of us has a little crush on the other.i have also had a crush on you (which i'd have liked to know when it actually happened.. LOL)

Me: i also don't feel like i hope you'll be single so i can have a chance (with you). hehe. i just hope you are happy. that's all i wish (for you). If it's with me or someone else doesn't matter much to me. also because i still don't want a boyfriend. haha

Him: thanx (he actually wrote that.. LOL. what a girl). and you too. (i think) it's best like this :)


so now it's all out in the open and i'm relieved about this. i don't feel bad that he ain't interested in me cos i know that if we are to be together some day he now know that the thought is not totally alien to me. but i don't think it'll be something to happen soon. so i think i'll be single for a long time to come. haha. i am also not really sure that he gives me that feeling i'm looking for.
i am happy that he didn't go all "ew... you like me?" on me... hehe. i actually think the whole conversation were kind of grown up and all. (except his "thanx). and i am not afraid at all that the next time we'll meet up will be awkward. i am sure it'll be just normal. :)

my mom just called me and asked me if i want to sell any of my diddl-collection. and YES! i want to do that!

it's for a costumer in the bookstore my mom works at who's daughter had all her diddl stolen at a swap-sleep over at a friend's place. what a cruel friend to have! grrr...

but i am SO willing to sell some of my diddl... of course not all of it.. but a lot. i hope it'll be enough to pay out some of the minus i have on my bank account. ooohh... i'm SO excited about this!

normally i wouldn't want to sell any of my stationery... but i am not too fond of diddl but then some years ago i bought a little on the net and then i got a diddl-mania... which lasted for a year or so... so now i have LOTS and LOTS of diddl! and all i actually wanted was just one of each sheet... hehe.. of course now i also sometimes use the sheets in my letters... but still... it doesn't feel so unique to write on diddl... cos everyone has diddl. it's more unique to write on the kind of sheets that not everyone has...

i am gonna make a GRAND diddl package for that girl! i feel so sad for her... what a stupid friend... how can a friend even think to steal something like that!?!?!??!

but... I'M GONNA MAKE SOME MONEY!!! a tinier minus on the bank account is SOOOO welcome!

WOOOOW!

just realized that i've lost 15lbs this far... 6.8kg= 15lbs! WOOHOO! makes me even more happy! cos lbs sounds of so much more than kg LOL

so... today i weighed myself... and i'm down to 89.2kg!!!!! that's 196.6lbs!!!! and it's only 3oog from my goal for this week. it's not too bad :D :D :D :D :D :D
i think it'll be pretty fair if i am sure that i'll be less than 89kg by friday... don't you? :D
i celebrated this by eating porridge. :) it was soooo nice. :D and not too unhealthy!
i also only ate one bun for breakfast (as my dietician told me to) and i still didn't feel hungry! it was pretty nice :D
i am sooooo happy about all this! and i must say.... it's SO great to eat a pizzabun for an in-between meal and think: it's healthy and you made it yourself. makes me so proud :)

today i am reading all my notes with my cases for the BA paper... and i'm gonna make a plan as to how i'm gonna write about it in the paper. and then i'll do that tomorrow and sunday. i hope that this way i can get the paper written this weekend and i can spend one or two days with sending it around to others to read and correct it and do it myself too. :)

i smell bad but i'll wait to take a shower till tomorrow morning. i think i need to feel totally refreshed if i'm to ever write this paper tomorrow LOL. I need to write about 14 pages :S

i am baking again today! i am so pleased with myself! this makes me save about 17kr for a bag of buns that i usually buy (there are about 9 buns in a bag). i am baking 17 buns. I hope they will taste as fantastic as usual!

when i was stirring the dough i realized that i had no problems with it. i used to get huge pains in my hand and wrist because it was hard for them (aparently) but today i had no problems at all!

i am looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow. my hope is to weigh 89kg. but i am not sure if i'll manage to do that. i think i probably won't. this week i've weighed myself almost daily just for fun and no matter what i weighed 90.3kg. today i was down to 89.6kg. i guess that as long as i'm under that tomorrow i'll feel as if my goal was reached :)

i think it'll be hard for me with the diet for the time to come. i have this strange feeling that the 80s are hard to get past. but i WILL get past them and i'll go through all the numbers from 79-70 as well :) i think the 70s will be better.

haven't worked out at all this month but it's ok. i haven't gained weight and i've begun to work out a bit at home.

i'm working on the paper still... i hope hope hope to get it done by the weekend. it'd be SO great! i've almost read ALL my primary litterature now. i can't believe i didn't just do that from day one. oh well.

gotta put the buns in the oven now.. :)

yesterday evening i saw an episode of this tv show that's about finding the biological family of adopted children. I usually don't watch this show but yesterday i tought that it'd be fun to watch since it's been so long since last time i did.
This time it was about this woman who was adopted from South korea. I was kind of shocked cos as some of you ppl know my brother is adopted from south korea. So i thought i'd make some notes as to how they found the woman's biological family and i did. i think they COULD be useful if my brother ever wants to find his mom (i doubt his dad will be interested in knowing my brother). it just made my daydream about going to korea with my brother and find his biological mother with him. i hope SO much he'll go someday! i am even very much willing to learn korean just for that sake. i know it's a bit obsessive and crazy... but... yeah... you know me :D

this evening on interpals i contacted this swedish guy who is korean. i guess he must be adopted too. he's been to korea a few times and he says he loves it. i've asked him how it is to be a scandinavian in korea. i mean... it must be very different in so many ways?

i want a big fat pizza with ham and cheese and bearnaise sauce and onions... but it's really late and i don't think i'd really want those few thousand calories... LOL. but still.. these days i'm also craving for cake. not just home baked... but bought from the local baker... really fat and sugar-filled cakes. but i try to calm this with eating a little candy when the cravings are too much for me... LOL.

today i read some more stuff for my BA paper.... and i learned new words. you'd thought it was a good thing but it really made me annoyed about the text and i ended up giving up on it. i simply couldn't make out any sense onf the whole thing. so i've moved on to other texts. but the words i learned or read that i stil have no idea what means are:
regailing
jack-daw
lascivious
augury

sometimes i think that the english language is just plain weird. i like danish soooo much better at times :D :D :D :D i think that it's mainly at these times i feel like i'm not good at english at all. (that's why i sometimes ask my penpals if my english is ok... )

birger is VERY active this evening! he's sooooooo cute *yay* but noisy *oh no!*

don't think i got to post a pic of my pizza buns yesterday... so i thought i'd post the pic today! and i just gotta say... 1 min in the micro wave and BANG! a piece of heaven on a plate. :D