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just.... stuff..*sigh*

  • 9. Jun., 2009 at 6:45 PM
pre-party
i was pretty much not myself yesterday after all that crap with Kim and Julie. so i only just barely wrote down what i ate. not writing anything about time or how much i ate... i still feel pretty weird about the whole thing and i feel like i should just prepare to be a hermit when i'm done at the uni. i feel like... i just don't really fit in with other people.. i mean... i do have a few "real life" friends that i get along with very well and that i've never been angry at or anything. but besides that i feel more and more awkward when i hang out with people or go to the metal pub. like i'm just not compatible with humans?
my whole day yesterday just kind of overwhelmed me with this feeling that i should just aim for a hermit life... perhaps it'll change again some time... but for the moment i think i'm back to where i was in january/february... feeling really really insecure about humans.

well... i just need to focus on my exam and i do that as well as i can. i'm having daily headaches again (which i also had when the stress started in february/march)so i have my naps. perhaps that's also because i have menstruation this week... either way... my mom is sending me some no-stress music so i can listen to that when i type in my exam-notes. i heard that it's supposed to help and my mom claims it has helped her a few times... so it's worth a try, i think. i am actually pretty happy now that i asked my penpals to wait with their letters to me to after my exams. i got one letter yesterday, but that's fine :) but... i'd get seriously stressed out if i had a pile with over 5 letters already. hehe.


Food diary day 3
breakfast: 2 buns with cheese

lunch: small bowl of yoghurt with Fiberkost

dinner: potatoes (baked in the oven) with gravy and salad

late night: yoghurt with strawberries and an apple

i had 1½ liters of water throughout the day


food diary day 4
breakfast: 2 buns with cheese and ½ liter of water

in between meal: yoghurt with Fiberkost

lunch: a banana

dinner: whole grain pasta and tuna meat balls and ½ liter of water.

i plan to have a bowl of Koldskål with strawberries and an apple later tonight. and some more water or perhaps some tea.
  • Mood:i don't really know... numb?

Comments

( 6 kommentarer — Skriv kommentar )
[info]celenelune wrote:
9. Jun., 2009 17:19 (UTC)
It's ok with the letters as I could tell you in the reply :p
oh well menstruation and fullmoon creat something really strange on me too :)
Take care!
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[info]weirdnessdk wrote:
10. Jun., 2009 09:53 (UTC)
oh my gay god you are right! i didn't really notice that it's a full moon these days... no wonder life is so weird these days!!! haha.

btw. i really enjoyed your letter :) i like that it's so long *yay*
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[info]arya_moonchild wrote:
9. Jun., 2009 18:28 (UTC)
Your relationship with people is the same as mine. Like you, I have few real life friends (and even then, they are moving on to other things and we are slowly becomming different). Even though I don't qualify myself entirely as a hermit, I do prefer to be alone most of the time and don't have much in common with people. I never really fit in anywhere and I get the feeling people will never understand me on more than a superficial level. But I'm ok with that. Anyway I totally know what you're going through; you went through something tough and you're realizing that certain things maybe aren't for you. Good luck with it all. :)
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[info]weirdnessdk wrote:
10. Jun., 2009 09:52 (UTC)
thank you (again) for the support. :)

my big dream is to end up living in a forest but i'm getting more and more indifferent whether it's gonna be with a family or just by my own. i'm just a bit upset about it right now because... before i got friends (i got my first friends when i was 16) i just hoped and wished that i could get friends and be a social person in the future. and now that i've tried it for almost 10 years i'm getting disappointed over and over again and in a way i'm feeling more and more that social life is just not for me and at times like the last two days i'm actually wishing that i'd never tossed myself out in any kind of social life... but it's getting better i think. it's raining a lot these days and when i'm trying to go to sleep at night and i can hear the rain i visualize how the rain just washes away all the icky-feeling i have. it kind of calms me. :)
i think i'll have to let all the bad feelings calm a bit/go away and then i'll take it from there. do a good re-vision on my life when i'm not so affected by bad events...
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[info]arya_moonchild wrote:
10. Jun., 2009 10:14 (UTC)
Yes probably you'll be able to think more clearly when you're feeling less negative. Still I know how you feel. I had my first friends when I was around that age too and with time I realized that I can be around people, but not have the same social relationships as everyone. Anyway, maybe you won't have to live in a forest isolated from everyone, but you'll simply prefer to be alone most times. I know that's how I turned out. I hope you'll find something that works for you. :)
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[info]weirdnessdk wrote:
10. Jun., 2009 12:25 (UTC)
well i don't want to live in a forest nessecarily to be isolated from civilisation. i want to live in a forest because i love trees so much and i love nature and i have this need in my heart to be near nature eventhough i grew up in the big city. eventhough i want to live in a forest i still want to be close enough to a smaller town/village to be able to go there by bike or by foot every now and then. i just don't feel a need to have neighbours besides trees and wild life. heh. there is this woman in denmark that is listed in the phonebook as a witch. she's called danni druehyld and she lives in a forest and she has like... the life i hope to have. she walks around the forest collecting herbs and berries and she writes books (i just want to write about other themes than she) and stuff like that. i want to be like that as well. :D
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