i feel so restless because i have replied to all the letters that i got. i am in a HUGE letter writing mood... but i have no letters to write. *sigh* it's annoying. in a way i want to actively go and search for more penpals just because i feel so restless right now... but i know that when uni starts i'll feel that i have enough penpals because it gets harder to keep up due to homework and stuff like that. i'm still open to penpals if they ask me if we can be penpals but i think it's best if i don't write people asking them to be my new penpal because then i think it will look like i have more time for penpalling than i actually feel i have. normally. but right now i have all the time in the world. and my mail box is so empty...

tomorrow I'll go out with my friend, Cecius, that i've known since boardingschool :) haven't seen her for a while and she just got a job that she'll start tomorrow. i think we'll go to Rockstuen (the metal pub) and i gotta remember to bring on an extra t shirt... just in case some of the nut cases that are angry at me are there and decides to pour beer over me. i doubt that anybody would really do that... but when i call these people nut cases it's because they really are. one of them have been admitted to a mental hospital SEVERAL times and two of them SHOULD be on meds but i guess they hide their crappiness too well from the doctors. so... i think that for a while i'll have to expect the worst and hope for the best when i go to Rockstuen.

wrote some text messages with Michael today. i don't know how he does it, but that man just make me so happy. :D of course i got all insecure about scaring him away and stuff (i'm so afraid that i will be too much, too overwhelming, demanding too much of him, asking him to meet me too often and so on...) and we talked a bit about that. i told him that i am afraid if i will scare him away because i think that he's a very important friend to me. he said that i should not worry about that. and that i should remember that it was not me that "scared" me out of his life the last time (referring to Martine). actually, writing with him today made me aware of how insecure i feel lately, socially. i don't know how he does these things, but he makes me see things clear sometimes. like... he just says the right words so i become more aware of what i feel and think.
so... i decided that after i've finished the book about Vikings in England, i'll read the book about how to find balance/peace/security with your personal self and spiritual self via some inka-wisdom. it's one of the books i'll do a review of for the bookclub-magazine :) i hope that this book will help me getting some insight with myself and my... eehhmm.. spiritual skills.

i am slowly feeling like i'm becoming more and more "naked" to myself... i don't learn about myself yet, i just reveal more and more about me which i'm exploring. only when i feel ready i'll stop exploring and start learning about myself. i finally feel that i will become a very strong person some day.

today it suddenly begun to rain and thunder a lot. i really enjoyed it. i watched it till the end. it stopped very suddenly and abrupt. i just love that when that happens: it rains so much that you can hardly see more than a few meters in front of you and then BAM it stops. it's such an incredible sight :) i remember the first time i experienced that. i was in the 2nd grade in elementary school and it was during recess. i was looking at all the children and the raining in the school yard when suddenly BAM it stopped raining. i was really amazed by that and i guess that's why i still remember it.

it feels like there's some more thunder on the way... i feel so icky and hot. so... i can't wait for my shower in the morning :D



i feel soooo sophisticated, thoughtful and wise *lol*